Unconscious suppression prolonged the negative feelings resulting in resentment

Oct 20 aft
Suddenly I realised I couldn't let go because I didn't allow myself to go through the whole stage of emotion.

Actually I was angry at old classmates for their inconsideration. I organised the farewell and I got ok from the person. Instead of looking at themselves for being inconsiderate, they turn around and said I was too much.

I was angry at La for throwing filth on me. I hold myself back partly coz I was a guide and not sure anger work.

I was angry at Z for coming back with his wife to my life.

All the above, they have encroached on my parameters and here I tot I was the one in wrong, the one had to give way. Again natural tendency is to self attack myself. No wonder my RA.

Father, I used to face people who can't be angry when they are unfairly treated. In the office environment I m fine. But in romantic and personal relationships I m not.

And I faced people who exploded extremely and projected everything out completely. I admire their guts.

I used to think I don't do it cos I got good emotional control. Whenever I receive personal criticism I always hit myself without thinking it through. Now I wonder. Perhaps this relates to the insecurity. When I m insecure I don't dare to confront my feelings.

But I improved. At least now I just shut them out instead of prolonging it. Just like I delete Z, ignored La and no longer contact SL.