Finally ended...it was just my own projection...

Oct 10 aft 2
Today 7thunder card
Ace of Spades in Jupiter
The Ace of Spades means a SECRET of some kind. This card was the emblem for many of the secret societies of old, being the 'key to the mysteries'. As such, it represents the 'truth that lies behind the veil of illusion'. So, it has often been the symbol for the study and pursuit of esoteric knowledge and mystical wisdoms.

The Ace of Spades is also one of the traditional cards for death, change and transformation. With this mystical card in your spread, it is certain that you will go through some sort of death and rebirth, or at the least, some important and powerful changes.

Soul
As I am reading, I find compassion for him in me.

Got this part in end Jan 2011:
I was so humbled by his sharing and I emphatised with his suffering. He is so strong mentally and I tot I was strong. Despite all the suffering, he stood strong, act objectively without bitterness, can even forgive for the family. And last he has faith that he will come out of this stronger and he will be happy again.

Soul
Yes, projecting myself on him again. No one emphatised with me...and I wanted it..so project on him
Yes, he followed his path.

Alas, finally able to handle the Lover card. Got it this week but tot I can't pull it through except for the group messages. But alas, it truly happen,
Osho tarot - Lover
Sex is the seed, love is the flower, compassion is the fragrance. 

Buddha has defined compassion as love plus meditation. When your love is not just a desire for the other, when your love is not only a need, when your love is a sharing, when your love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when your love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it and the pure fragrance is released. That is compassion; compassion is the highest phenomenon.
What we call love is really a whole spectrum of relating, reaching from the earth to the sky. At the most earthy level, love is sexual attraction. Many of us remain stuck there, because our conditioning has burdened our sexuality with all kinds of expectations and repressions. Actually the biggest "problem" with sexual love is that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate it for what it is - welcome its happening, and say good-bye with gratitude when it's not. 

Then, as we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole. 

This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one

Soul
Amen. I tot it won't end but it did.
I am now at a different place now.

Read this back in Feb 2011.
Feel it is perfect now as I have experienced it.
The Passion Test - The Best Year of Ur life. Debbie Ford
- Who u r in ur inner world is what determines how easily and effortlessly u create in ur outer world.
1. We can't wish the bad parts away but we can learn to integrate them and love even those parts of ourselves.
2. Who do I have to be in the inner world to create effortlessly and easily with joy, the things that will nourish me in the outer world.
3. People internally are beating themselves up, and then all of a sudden they wonder why they are doing things in the outer world to beat themselves up. Its just a way to affirm those internal messages most of us have that we r not good enough or we will never get what we want, or whatever our programming.
4. To stop sabotaging ourselves, we begin by forgiving ourselves for being part of the human race, with flaws and imperfections, misbehavings, and sometimes making wrong choices. If u can forgive urself internally and have compassion and openheartedness toward that sweet, vulnerable child who lives inside u, then u will create those kind of magical moments in the outer word.
The outer world will reflect that self-love and u won't want to sabotage urself. U will be careful who u hang around, what u say u r going to do, because u become precious to urself.

Soul
Yeap, ultimately set parameters cos I love myself, I am precious to myself.

Now finally reading the part that he just wanted to be my Sex Therapist and a friend. A bit of sadness came but I guess I need to read this. It started with this and it also ended with this.
The only difference was it was prolonged from a one off session to one and half year relationship.
I could only open up physically after one year ...and he was in bad financials..thats why it was prolonged.
I went into love and he stayed on physical mode as he wants to keep to his plan of having children.
But I am glad, cos then I can keep to my plan of not having children.

Nutshell, he doesn't want to change and him not changing means I can continue on my path of Self mastery. And the break up with him made me discover myself further and finally love myself. Able to love and accept Sadhguru and Dhynalinga. Major breakthrough after 4 and half year.
Amen

Father, truly didn't expect this today.
The Ace of Spades is spot on.