Finally..no regrets that we ended

Oct 18 aft
Reading my old old blog...I can see the lonely child back in 2011 and 2012...

Adhyatma Upanishad - Osho
Ramateertha
This Ramateertha was badly trapped and I was just watching and enjoying seeing him being trapped. I saw those abusing him, and I also saw that man Ramateertha who was trapped and being abused. I kept watching the whole scene.
When u have attained this third perspective, only then is there equanimity. If u only have two perspectives there cannot be any equanimity; then there is only the abuser and the abused.
Equanimity is only, when, beyond the duality, beyond the two opposing points, the third perspective begins to be seen. The witnessing is equanimity.

Through self consolation, a good man is born; through witnessing, a saint is born. A good man is good on outside but wicked inside. A saint is good both inside and outside. A wicked man is wicked both outside and inside. There is similarity between Saint and wicked man is uniform both outside and inside. A good man is hanging between these two; hence, there is no end to the misery of a good man, because his mind is like that of a wicked person but his behavior is like that of a saint. Hence good man lives in a great dilemma. In his mind there is always duality.

Soul
Sometimes I m same both outside and inside. But not when it comes to relationships; that's my dilemma.
But in general I want my outside to be same as inside eventhough it cause me social trouble at times.

Now reading my journal back in Mar 2011 and picked up this salients points as reminders.
My lifetime challenge card
Environment card in age 52 is ur lifetime challenge
Seven of Heart
Real experience of Unconditional love
As u allow others to be who they are, u also allow yourself to be yourself, and in this way, u will be able to experience a new sense of personal freedom. To be totally free means having no attachment to others and no worries about whether or not they love us. It also means having a knowing that there will always be enough love in our life, because it comes from within.

Soul
Yea, Love comes from within.

From Ekhart tolle
Once u become one with nature. Nature will become helpful, to teach u to be still, to be alive.
If u can feel the stillness of trees, that's means u have the stillness.
Just be with nature. Firstly u see the form. Then u may notice the life form of urself.

Soul
I am feeling the aliveness and beauty and love from the trees and grass..
Love them.
Walking into the park is like walking into Sathsang hall.
Amen

Reading thru the journals. I can see the lost child looking for security, looking for love.
I can see the child overcoming her fear.
I can see she went into the non committed relationship courageously and plan to end quick.
But alas it continues and feelings arise...
then the ending.
Throughout there is no reading of good book there.
Me, suddenly feel I don't want to read anymore.
It is true, for the one and half year with him...I was just on him alone.
just merging with him alone..other than the physical transformation, there is no spiritual growth but got physical growth, the spiritual growth comes in the ending..which is this year.

Father, I like the grown up me. I like myself as the woman. I am now ready to merge within and without.

Father, no regrets that we ended. We were meant to be for a season. It was an extended season, nevertheless a season only.