Its ok that I lost....

Oct 11
Woke up 7.20 am. Had a good sleep, guess I was exhausted after yesterday release.

Did my guru pooja following the script. Noted a few corrections. I was fine with myself. I just realised that I never use the script. I just learned with the audio. Teacher said some changes been made.
Surya kriya was nice. Shakti was great despite the loud drilling noise. Shambavi good too. Towards the end, just stillness.
Feels great.  Absolutely no regrets with my practices.

A tot came I had no regrets of the rship. I have been asking that I too can have no regrets that it is over.
It just occurred to me that I had expectation. When I was with him I had to 'sacrifice' cos he said we got to be private, he not ready, money not there and etc. So I waited. I m like the wife who suffered with poor husband and when husband got rich, left her. That's why I was reminiscing about.

Again, not real. His financial is still not good. He can't give me the comfort that I want. He can't give me the mental and spiritual that I want. So, let me just be glad I have gotten the physical aspect as he can't give me other things. He is just body, just a player.

Final tot. He just don't want me. I let that sink for awhile. Pain no longer there. Memories will be.