Ecstatic meditation

Oct 30 Eve

Father, what a great night!

I had an ecstatic shambavi during last day of IE.
I didn't join the initiation last Sunday and was bit sad. I had a good practice yday but today was incredible.
I just sat down to yoga padi and a sense of calmness hits me, like a white blackout. I was laughing with joy even before I start shambavi.
Then I start and I was laughing throughout the preparatory steps. When I did my cat stretch, for the first time I did slowly and I felt I went into deeper white blackout. Surka kriya was deep. Aum was fine. Fluttering was effortless.

Then I did a long bhanda lock and it was especially long for empty breathe. Then I lift up my head, silence and deep contentment resides within me. I went in higher and suddenly I reach an ecstatic state and I laughed loads for a long time and I start to clap. What an amazing experience. After T's session of orgasmic shambavi during the prior IE, this was another hit, the pleasure is less but it was deep, so ecstatic.

I felt compensated. I don't have initiation but I now have an ecstatic meditation. Amen.

There were some queries on the laughing meditator and everyone was looking at me. Seeing there were so many questions, teacher asked me to go upfront to share. She told them they be hearing more of this laughter in sathsang. I was surprised that teacher asked me to go and share.

I had wanted to remain low profile. Part of the reason why I relented for the family trip was that I wanted to opt out from initiation. I wanted them to have a good one. I don't want to distract other people. Me, trying to be 'small' now become "big" again.

Just saw Z changed his BB with his kids pix. I think this is the first time he pin them. I know its a msg for me to contact him. First reaction is to reach out as I love him but second response is to let go.

Father, today a new meditator with Lupus approached me and said she is on special diet that she concocted. I recalled I wanted to start a site just for Arthritics. I can do on meditation and I needed someone with personal expertise on food. This is a long term. Mmm, perhaps there is an avenue. I also got the other fat lady on Arthritics.