It is our own fear...no one is trying to hurt us

Nov 22 eve

Did my Shoonya and samyama. The Shoonya was real deep. This time, with little movement.  Samyama was ok too.
When I finished my samyama, I asked myself whether I m happier without z. Yes, I m happier cos I need not face my fears. My fear of being unloved, being rejected, being not in priority list. I was afraid of suffering. That's when I go on the low side.

Today I msg him about our mutual friends, we ended with a smile, that's us.

Father, I asked for separation when I felt insecure. The same as z when he asked for separation cos he tot I cannot accept him for his lack of financial security. He said no point continue since I feel insecure with him back in late July. I stayed n give him assurances. We got back together in late August n then I broke it off in mid September.

Father, being with him or even a relationship with another partner will bring out my fears. Now that I can see my fear, not sure if I can handle it better.

I can now see my fear. For the first time, no rush to overcome it. Let me savour my fear so it won't go to my body. I m a big gal, able to face my fear. Need not suppressed or try to fight it. Just let the fear be.

I used to suppress or fight my sadness, afraid I cannot handle it. I now can face n expressed my sadness. And I becomes much happier. Or rather my happiness is now real both inside and outside. Perhaps once I accepts my fear, not try to avoid it, I truly can be fearless.  Amen.

Suddenly a tot came on Osho card, no one trying to hurt u, everyone just want to protect themselves from being hurt.