Journaling is my outlet...

Nov 11

Father, I wrongly put alarm at 6.24 am instead of 6.45 am. So, woke up much earlier. Waited for my mom and then we went for a walk. The park was beautiful, the greenness of the grasses is so alive. I am glad they cut off the dead lotus so water in the man made pond can run.

There were many tots of Z. Yday disparaging comments by my sis on my brother in law made me think of myself. Actually all my brothers in law didn't make as much as my sisters. All my sisters are financially independent vs their husbands. My sis said my brother in law is a bad planner and hence cannot afford to buy a replacement car. I think she forgot all her husband's strength.

I can make money and Z can make more but spend more and so I am better off. But Z is loyal, committed and willing to fulfill all his family obligation. So I know if he marry me, it will be forever and I won't need to lead.

This morning, I finally send him a msg on his new car. He is finally getting his dream car but no one to share with. I just want him to know he is not alone. Coincidentally today is 2 of Spades for him. For me, 8 of Hearts, and I am leading sathsang today.

(Nov 15 - no response from him. The old me would freak out..the new me..while I miss him and wish for him to respond...there is no urge to push it)

Eight Letter
A time will come in ur spiritual development when u will awaken to the enormous gift u have in ur head - the gift of creative, intelligent thinking and u will also become aware of the enormous responsibility u bear towards the way u use it.

There are wonderful people in ur world who have used their minds in such a way to gain insight and growth from the daily challenges in their lives. Step by step, by probing, analysing, moving on to new viewpoints, higher understanding, they fashion new ideals for themselves. They r self-made' people - but rarely do u find that they have not also drawn strength, insight, inspiration, emotional stability from the higher source - Divine Consciousness or their perception of what they may call God.

Each one of u in the world have ur own amount of 'talent' with which to work. If, on ur own initiative, u find it hard to discover the best way to make profit out of ur personal talent and initiatives and resources - draw on DIVINE Consciousness through meditation, and little by little, the ideas will surely come and these will exactly suited to ur own personality.

At the same time - consider how u have used ur talents throughout ur life time. Have u been engrossing entirely in creating happiness and pleasures by urself - or have u devoted time also to the upliftment or improvement of others.


Soul
Father, I admit I am selfish..I used it for my own personal well-being. But fate intervened and I had to be a sathsang guide for 2 years..and I know I did a good job despite my reluctance...

My journaling is my outlet...I started the blog four years ago as a way to release my tots and to share with others my inner journey so they too can partake. I open the way for others.

Then I started the website cos I have learnings to share. But that website has not lifted up yet. But still I have not given up hope. Infact, now looking at expanding it with my own investment. I am also compiling an abridged versions of all the books I have read and shared in my blog. I am making it easier for others. They need not find the needles in haystack. I took out the needles for them to see.

Eight Letter
It is a terrible thing to have been given talents above the average and to end ur lives having squandered them in self indulgent modes of living. Whatever lessons u have failed to learn, whatever growth u have evaded, whatever spiritual development in spirituality u have deliberately avoided - are mountains u have created for urself to climb in ur next lives. They will obstruct ur path and will have to be dealt with - spiritually - or again repeated in a further life.

Soul
Yes. I know. That's why I m still on the path.