Saturday, November 17, 2012

I am accepting that I am Ok even if my partner doesn’t want me



Z and I got back together for one day since our short break up nearly 2 months earlier. We decided to meet up as he was to travel overseas for a long trip. Fortunately or unfortunately, he suddenly mentioned that he would have to leave me for a few hours to attend his partner’s son’s birthday dinner. He said it was ‘a last minute thing’ and he could not refuse the invitation. Yet he also didn’t want to miss our meet up.

I was fine for the first few hours together, but when he was about to leave me, I suddenly felt sad again. I asked, ‘Why do we have to go through this, why can’t we be open about our relationship?’ Again his answer was that he was not ready for a relationship and he couldn’t do it even under pressure from his mother. I started to sulk but I remembered that I should not clam up but at least try to talk things out with him. We chatted but there was no solution as he was adamant for us to remain status quo. Suddenly I realized I had reached a limit and said to him, “Let’s not wait, let just end this now”. He looked at me and said “I respect your wishes”. However towards the end, just before he left, he tried to engage me in conversation to pull me back from my sadness but I couldn’t take it. I gave him a hug, said goodbye and drove off.

About a few weeks later, my phone was reinstalled and I lost his messenger contact. We had ended well and I didn’t want him to think that I deleted him again. So I asked for his contact and once again we were connected. We both updated our profile every now and then to keep each other abreast - or perhaps it was only I who was doing that…
There were a couple of messages every now and then but it has been nearly one and a half months since our last break up. We had not spoken to each other since then.

I admit my mind still worked overtime wondering if there was still a way, hoping he could change his mind. His Pluto challenge was Five of Clubs and Results is Queen of Diamonds; i.e. if he changed his mind, we be together since I am a Queen of Diamonds.
I still missed him and at times I longed to chat with him again about my ups and downs as he had been my sounding board for the past 2 years. But I held back as I wasn’t confident that I wouldn’t go back to the past. I made a choice and made up my mind to stick to it. I knew going back on my decision would only cause me sadness.

At the same time, since I lost him, my faith in my Isha practices had also diminished. Since I couldn’t get what I wanted, perhaps I need not invest as much time as I used to. I was slacking in my hata yoga. So, on one hand I was losing Z and on the other, my desire and diligence in my practices, so - double whammy! The trees no longer looked as great as before, and I couldn’t even remember the last time I looked at the grass. When I was in my high point, I could feel the grass, and their loveliness could even stop me in my tracks. But those days were gone. 

I am now facing my Mars 52-day period of Three of Spades and Three of Clubs till early December 2012. I have started my 3-day work week and adjusted well but I still have not reverted to my 5-day hata yoga practices. So, these 52 days brings a change of life style and change of mind. I told myself that there was nothing I could do with Z but at least I can do something about myself, I can get back to myself, get myself connected once more. At the same time, I saw an ex-colleague and thought she looked rather old. My friend commented that she did look her age and it is I who looked young; as I look thirty-something but am actually in my mid-forties. That made me realize that yoga can really help to energise us and at the same it was re-affirmed by what I read in Sadhguru’s Mystic Musings book. 

So for the past 2 weeks, I focused back on my practice and this week I even did 4 days of hata yoga. Today I walked in the park and once again I can see the loveliness of the grass, so green and alive. My HD eye sight is back once more.

I checked the Osho card for the day and I got the Slowing Down card;
Meditation is a kind of medicine. The essence is at ease. Do whatsoever you are doing, but at the deepest core, remain at ease, cool, calm and centered. Each moment, one has to be at ease with oneself, not trying to improve, not cultivating anything, not practising anything. We carry our home with us wherever we go. Even as we move into the depths of the emotional water, we can remain self-contained and free from attachments. It is a time when you are ready to let go of any attachments. It is a time when you are ready to let go of any expectations you have had about yourself or other people and to take responsibility for any illusions you might be carrying. There is no need to do anything but rest in the fullness of what you are right now. If desires and hopes and dreams are fading away, so much the better. The disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is and you are able to welcome this development in a way you have never been able to before. Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest and recognizing that you are already at home.

How appropriate, that was how I felt too. I felt a sense of closure. True, I love Z and I still miss him but the gnawing pains that used to plague me no longer exist; it is my own loneliness that I had to deal with. I can accept that at times I still miss him and want him, but it’s all good. I am now more aware and I know I wouldn’t react compulsively as I used to. I have accepted where I am at the moment. For now, I will just refocus on my Isha practices and allow my connection with the Universe to grow again.

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