Getting more grounded

Nov 16

Father, body woke up around 4 am. I laze a bit and then wake up at 4.30 am. Can't say I felt happy. Now I know why I don't smile when I wake up. Cos it is not easy to wake up with a smile to do sadhanas while the rest of the world is sleeping. But I knew I needed it.

Suria Namaskara was ok, but I only laughed after ninth cycle instead of normal 3rd cycle.
Shakti was good with the silent surka kriya. Shambavi was good too as I now do the first 3 steps with 2 min each and followed with silent surka kriya. I stop when I saw the violet flame during surka kriya. I also ensure that I stayed sit for at least 5 minutes before I lie down to do my 'plough back' asanas.

As I was driving, I was able to see the greenness of the grass and leaves on trees. My high definition eye sight is back.


1. Issue
Existence
U r not accidental. Existence needs u. Without u, something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it. That gives u tremendous joy, a fulfillment that u r related to existence and existence cares for u. Once u r clean and clear, u can see tremendous love falling on u from all dimensions.

Now is the time to look at whether u r allowing urself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling at 'hone' wherever u r. If u r, be sure to take time to savour. If on the other hand, u have been feeling like the world is out to get u, its time to take a break.

Soul
I was feeling pressed with the outsource services. But I am taking charge and I know things will be fine.

2. Internal influence
Morality
Morality has restricted all the juice and energy of life to the narrow confines of this woman's mind. Her whole manner is very proper and stiff and severe and she is always ready to see every situation as black and white.

The Queen of Clouds lurks in the minds of all of us who have been brought up with rigid ideas of good and bad, acceptable and unacceptable. It is important to remember all these judgment of the mind are just product of our conditioning. And whether our judgments applied to ourselves or to others, they keep us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is.

Soul
Yea, I judged myself for still seeking Z, for still holding on despite no indication that things will turn out good.
I judged myself for not so committed to Isha practices despite knowing and experiencing all the benefits.
I judged myself for not going anywhere with my writing and website.
I judged myself for losing my liking for suria namaskara. Why I lost it again? I judged myself for being unable to connect with my subtle body.
I judged myself for lack of achievement after having 3 days work week.
I judged myself for only doing 3 days of samyama. I see I only do during workday. Perhaps need to schedule it.

Perhaps I need not be so hard on myself. Maybe that's why my RA is back.

My shakti and shambavi is becoming more deep. Hata I will correct next month in Ashram. And I m now doing 4 times hata a week.

3. External influence
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind".
That very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man. Now u can do and act on only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, give u contentment and make ur life a work of art, a beauty.

Soul
I know. But I start to wonder what really makes me joyous. I tot 3 days week is the one. I tot writing is the one. Well, they make me more contented. But not sure about joyous.
When I m with Z, I become alive but there is both pleasure and pain.


4. What is needed for resolution?
New Vision
Now u r presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together and when we come to know from experience that the dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colour to penetrate us, we become more integrated.

Soul
I know I need a new vision. Hence I contact V to seek an alternative view but he can only meet next week.

5. Resolution
Consciousness
When u have a new visions, it means that there is crystal clarity available right now, detached and rooted in the deep stillness that lies at mind - the understanding u have now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life.

Soul
Not there yet. Father, guide me. Give me a new vision on Z. An answer came to check rship.