No more mask to wear...

Nov 26 aft
Father, the old me start to have negative tots on people. I now realised its because I sought their approval. Father, alas I can see my negative tots is just a defence mechanism so that I couldn't see myself. 

(Nov 30 _ doing it again...today)

Nov 26 even
Father, just now I cried loads during Shoonya. I cried cos I got nothing left of me, no more hiding place, no more pride. I am just someone whose life is based on seeking approval from others.
No wonder so difficult to let go of Z. I was afraid that if u cannot get approval from my boyfriend, what's more from others who doesn't know me as well. Now I know the meaning of The Burden Osho card that I always carry.

I feel much better now, all my tensions released. It was quite a bad day, my team was crucified and I had to apologise for our services. At first, I did react on my staff mentally. But before I could deliver my anger, I knew its my image, my valuation that I am fighting. With that anger is gone.

Father, guide me through this difficult period. I am so thankful that I be going to Ashram in 2 weeks time. I lost my confidence, I lost my edge, I lost my fighting spirit, I lost myself, nothing to hold on to. I got no more masks to wear. The masks have been removed and I am too conscious to wear them again.

As I was writing this, I tot, that's breaking my limitation, my personalities, my shell. I feel so vulnerable and raw, so naked. So, this unexpected removal of my masks, my projection is good.
I now need to go for Pancha Arudhana to sew myself up anew.

Father, Sadhguru said Shoonya can only happened when u surrendered. So, I just continue for now on my mode. Who knows, once I am ready, I be completely silent and motionless.

Sadhguru, thanks for your tools. Amen.

Complaints again on human resource executive. I m trying to give her chance and also to give us chance. Father, guide me on what is best. I don't have clarity, I am afraid I could be on the wrong.

We could terminate her but that one put us on a spot. I am also not sure if we can get a superwoman.