Nov 26
Woke up at 4.30 am, had some tots of P, on whether she is on right track or not, following veda could just be another conditioning. Immediately a tot came, you r just trying to lower her valuation, so u feel better. Actually, you never had her approval, so stop trying to gain it back. I am truly a seeker of approval. No wonder S affected me previously cos she is the one staff that does not approve of me.
Suria Namaskara was quite effortless. I got into swing by second cycle. I was giggling, feeling subtle body. Even the stress on my knee when I stretched my hand to the floor is reduced considerably.
Breathing meditation was good. Shakti and shambavi was good too. Surka kriya was lovely and I can now even sense the separate workings of each lung.
Ninth letter
U have also begun to remove ur own defences and because of this, u will find that - at last - u r achieving true self esteem and peace of mind. This new understanding of the feelings of others will inspire in u a great respect for them. U will want to deal with them justly, giving them their dues, never wanting to take advantage of their good-nature, never wanting to put them down, reduce their self esteem, always ready to encourage and pick them up when they're in pain - physical or emotional.
U will find yourself doing these things for yourself too. U will become your own counsellor, support, healer.
U will see each person, no matter what their status, as of equal basic reality as ur own. Therefore, u will no longer feel inadequate in any situation, because u have move forward in the strength and wisdom drawn Divine Consciousness, and recognise that u, too, have equal rights with everyone else.
Each time, u conquer ego in yourself, it becomes that much easier to relate to others because u are reaching an understanding of the function of ego in all people. As time passes and you are gradually released from the grip of ur ego-drive, u will find that, more and more, u can listen to others with soul empathy and love. If they behave in a way which would have hurt or offended u previously, u will feel the welling up of laughter instead. U will then know that ur soul is in direct contact with Divine Consciousness - for Its natural state is that of laughter.
Soul
Amen. Another affirmation that I am on the rights track.
(Nov 30 _ I didn't laugh when S was 'attacking' me yesterday. At the moment, I just wanted to drop it)
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