Slowly coming back - eczema gone

Nov 15 eve

The Last Morning Star - Osho
Sannyas is the name of the courage that is needed to bow down at the feet of someone else. And in this world there is no courage greater than this courage of bowing down. Don't think that standing tall is a great achievement. All idiots stand tall. There is no glory in swaggering around. The art lies in being able to bow down.

Soul
It took me a few years. Finally I bow down to Sadhguru during Refresher Samyama. And after 4 years, I finally went up to meet him face to face. He look at me and laughed and I couldn't help but laughed back.

Now planning to sleep. Feeling bit off. Father, now that I don't work 5 days, I noticed I cut down my sadhanas. Perhaps, I am not intelligent, couldn't do in 'heaven' and more motivated in 'hell'.

Also, I wonder why I focus on what I don't have, which is Z, instead of focus on what I already have. Freed from career, freed from leadership in Isha. Perhaps that's what is meant by negative freedom.

Glad to see that my small eczema on both feet is gone. There is improvement. Both my feet and right elbow pain has reduced vs last Monday.

I also now learn to say I love myself. Whenever I am happy, I tend to say I love Z or my ex. I never say I love me. Well, I m starting to do so.

Father, I felt I m in limbo. Not sure where I turn up to be. I m happy I got my 3 day job but its just a means to an end. Life still goes on. Aiyah, just sleep.