Completion..Fixer Behaviour gone

Nov 29 even
Father, a good meet with V. I shared with him that I had to let go of outsourced payroll services. I told him that I have complained and asked for additional resources but was ignored.
V said that's because both e and s knows I can fix it. He also commented that I was bold to drop it, a departure from my normal fix it behaviour. Normally I fixed it and then I leave  I replied that I m staying put and I know the never ending changes from E and push from S. That's why I drop it cos I don't want a long term pain as I m staying.

He also commented, I was not worried about being labelled a failure. That is true.
I was not afraid of the judgement on my capability, I was more afraid that we need to drop also outsourced finance and need to retrench and also cut costs on remaining finance staff. But I m willing to cut my salary further by 2k. I am also not afraid of company going down.

Father, yea. I was a fixer for self Defense. I wanted to upholds my self valuation. Now that I knew my fear, I just face it, need not defend it. Amen.

On S, she attacked me today, as if she is my boss. I had hoped she will change but nope. She is like a dog that bites the hands that feeds it. She is Four of Clubs, will never change. She drains my energy, my goodwill. I truly feel like dropping it. I had continued out of responsibility, compassion, out of guilt for leaving her twice.

Z will not change, just like S. False hopes from my end.