INFJ can be control freak due to taking personal responsibility for everything

Sept 27 eve


By Elaine Schallock, INFJ
Where INFJs can get particularly tripped up is in their attempt to control the Se world to meet their Ni visions. This method stands in direct opposition to the natural flow of their functional stack (i.e., letting the Se world inform their Ni visions). INFJs operating in this mode can be particularly stubborn and perfectionistic about how a plan materializes. When things don’t exactly unfold according to the Ni “vision” (and they never do!) the INFJ can become unglued.
This is particularly true in situations where others may be depending on them or loved-ones are involved.

For example, an INFJ responsible for planning a big 30th wedding anniversary party for her parents does everything in her power in the planning mode to make sure the soiree is beautifully prepared (Se) and others are comfortable and happy (Fe). The INFJ’s power of visualization is incredible thanks to Ni; in the INFJ’s mind’s eye she can see how the tables are laid out, the music, the mood, the invitations, etc. But when the big day comes and the food arrives late, the weather is unbearably hot, and the people are cranky, the INFJ (who of course didn’t consider a “back-up” plan – this would have been far too practical) becomes frustrated, emotional, and stressed out.

There is a tendency to take personal responsibility for Se failure (bad weather, the caterer being late). The INFJ figures if she had only planned it better somehow this might have been avoided. The entire “disaster” is perceived as a personal attack on the INFJ’s inferior function, her ST “blindspots” and ultimately her ego.
For those unfortunate souls attempting to console an INFJ dealing with such a letdown, there can be an equal sense of frustration. Once the INFJ’s vision fails to come to fruition and she falls into the grip of her inferior function, acting logically goes out the window. Instead of being open to a modification of the plan, the INFJ holds on ever more tightly to the original vision, feeling as though this is the only way to correct the problem. The INFJ is then caught in a paradox. To sacrifice the Ni vision would mean giving up the dominant function, the very center of her “sense of self.” She is, understandably, loathe to do that. But ultimately what the INFJ must realize is that this has been an illusion. What is touted as “a commitment to the Ni vision” is really a veiled commitment to the Se outcome. Of course, the line between Ni and Se is incredibly thin (where does an object end and the concept behind it begin?), which accounts for the ease at which they (and other types) accidentally fall prey to such illusions.

Soul
This is so true.
Many times, I was coordinating the local Isha events, and things doesnt turn due to lack of commitment from volunteers, I take it personally. i blame myself.

Mmmm..thats where the lesson: Let go and let God comes.

By Elaine Schallock, INFJ
Potentially worsening matters, some INFJs, after alienating others with their unrealistic expectations, assume martyrdom, pitying themselves for being isolated by society for having “noble intentions.”
 INFJs may fail to realize is that their “high expectations” may be more linked to their desire to control for Se than anything else (much like in the example of the anniversary party gone awry.) Again, learning to loosen the ego’s grip on controlling the Se outcome and instead focusing on Ni more as a way to interpret what is rather than as a way to foresee what should be, will help them live more authentically and healthily.

Soul
So, it was me and my control.
It was me and my ego
Alas, after Kailash, I now know that whatever meant to be will be.
I also now learned I need not take outcome as personal, need not take other lack of commitment as personal attack on me.

INFJ by jennifersoldner

INFJs tend to cling to our label as soon as we discover it. As we are the rarest personality type, making up an approximate 2% of the population, we spend most of our lives feeling lost and misunderstood. Once we learn that we are not alone and that there is an explanation as to why we have always felt different, we feel overjoyed and almost "normal."
Soul
this is so true.
To know there are others like me..to know that I am not alone is such a comfort.
To know that I am okay. I am not weird, not unacceptable.

While INFJs may be seen as withdrawn or even secretive, the truth is that they care quite a bit about what others think of them--sometimes too much.  They take criticism very personally, and may be unintentionally hurt by others.  When this happens, an INFJ may hold their hurt inside and let it stew, never really expressing how they feel.  Instead of confronting the person who hurt them, they may take the less painful route and simply avoid the other person or even cut them off entirely.  Other people may see the INFJ as "too sensitive," while the INFJ for their part sees others as "unsensitive."  Conflict is anathema to this type, unless said conflict is undertaken in the service of a cause the INFJ is upholding. 

Soul
True..