Thursday, October 2, 2014

Volunteering to me is similar to unwanted marriage

Sept 9 eve

Local ISHA work came non stop is to give me the chance to choose again and again. It was my Three in Mercury and Venus that cause the indecision.
Everytime I chose local ISHA work I become miserable. It was such a huge burden and that's why I was resentful.

Volunteering is like marriage. First u decide on the marriage and then u overcome likes and dislikes to make marriage work. My case I don't even want to get married in the first place.
When the marriage works, I am afraid that I m in prison, can't escape. When the marriage fails, I become resentful.
Both marriage success or failure brings me unhappiness.
But my fear of losing validation holds me back from letting go eventhough I was not happy. It took me a few years. At times I tot so much responsibility, at least I got the benefit of being paid at work but here no gains, only pains.

 Only when I was finally ready, there was a change of teacher and the new teacher can see I was not keen on volunteering as I said I don't want anything to happen.

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