Sun in Cancer - uncovering my subconcious mode

Sept 19 aft
My journey found its light at the end of tunnel. The light is in me. I have the key.

Spiritual Astrology
Sun in 1st house - physical body, personality, identity, self-discovery

Sun in cancer
Unconscious (reveals how u may unconsciously express ur personal power in a way that sparks resentment from others)

U may expect others to react so that they never injure ur sensitivities. U might be dedicated to protecting ur vulnerability, the slightest input can make u withdraw into ur shell.

Soul
That's me being sensitive due to my hidden issue of lovability, seeking validation in order to be worthy and lovable.
As a result I tend to take things personally.
Most time I keep to myself in order to avoid any rejection. I don't take any relationship risk


Sun in Cancer
Conscious (increase vitality through the instinctive expression of the warmth and strength of ur nature)
Sharing ur emotional perception with others. U can care for and about them. Simultaneously, u become more objective and content with ur feeling.
The idea is to use ur natural sensitivity to recognise the emotional pain of others. This recognition empowers you to inspire them, and yourself, through sympathetic understanding of their distress.


Soul
That's what happen yesterday when I received an angry email from Pa.
My first tot was hurt. Then it went into defense mechanism, to reject him also.
I told myself I didn't want to go there. Moments later, I suddenly got alternative view. His frustrations is not on me, is on people in ashram. He has lost his cool due to exasperation with them, not me. But he is taking it out on me cos I put him in such a situation.
So, I can now feel empathy,  I apologised for putting him into such a predicament when he was only trying to do me a favour.
Immediately my mail turn him around. He responded quickly with a nice mail.

Suddenly tot of my latest perception on P. Previously I felt hurt of her fast rejection of me, taking me out of the local ISHA email loop, not inviting me even for dinner with teacher, not letting me into any volunteering that involves coordination. Then I was hurt again when she took me out of phone calling, something that I like to do. When she called me can see her exasperation as my possible entry into core team duties was forcing her to say No to me. She doesn't want me to disrupt the group morale.
Just last week I realised that her not letting me into volunteering group is not a reflection of her friendship to me. She is okay being a friend but not okay being in volunteer group with me as I had pulled out a few times, leaving her to fend for herself, forcing her to lead. So she finally takes the lead and won't allow me to disrupt the morale of core team.
I may be resentful of local ISHA responsibility and of others dependence on me. But they too are resentful of me always wanting to leave but didn't. Alas they helped me to take the step to leave to manage their resentment of me. Just as I leave local ISHA to manage my resentment of overload responsibility.
I takes the responsibility of the hurt I caused others. And now need to be responsible not to encroach on their kingdom. A kingdom that I fought to leave. I was overwhelm by the responsibility and I wasn't enjoying it. I miss the camaderie, the popularity, the reference power. But what I must remember is the numerous hurt I cause them whenever I feel overwhelmed and not able to say  correct no.
So no more hankering over any return which I myself not sure. Just do background which is best for me and for them too.

Sun in Cancer
By giving others center stage to express their feelings and vulnerabilities, u empathise with their suffering and ur vitality increase. Others appreciate ur loving nature.
By expressing ur gifts for emotional perception in a way that serve others, u realise that ur best security rests in caring for those outside urself.

Soul
At work I am empathetic. I generally don't take things personally. I am normally to go to person.
In personal relationship, I took things personally. I felt hurt frequently, though I may not express out of fear of losing validation. In the end I lose all.
Father, two years ago when I read this I wasn't able to see the big pic. I finally can. Amen.

Sun in 1st house - physical body, personality, identity, self-discovery

Soul
Sun is what I aspire.
Mmm, alas can see.
I took the inner journey so I am fearless, not easily hurt by others, not affected by others.
Now I know I have the key in me. I have been using it at work. Now that my unconscious inner child sensitivity is out. The puzzle or maze is now cleared. Now alas clarity arise.

I used to ponder why I m successful in work and not personal. I knew I was confident, no fear of loss. Now I know I don't take things personally. I use my conscious mode of Using my sensitivity by putting it out as Empathy instead taking it in as Hurt.

Alas the breakup with local Isha, the staying away, Kailash, sannidhi.
I m able to heal with P, Z and Y.

Spiritual astrology
How to spark ur creativity
1st house in Sun
U feel u have the right to be acknowledged as a leader. Ur vitality is increased when u follow ur own instincts and display ur self sufficiency. U bring about ur position as a leader when u assert ur independence.

Soul
I am this way at work. Alas can now bring it to personal.
I am a sensitive person. My sensitivity is both strength and weakness.

 Sept 19 eve
Milarepa
The underlying basis of mind is free from biases. Life's round is the result of the path conditioned by wrong views. Transcendence is the result of the path conditioned by insights. The essence of both is emptiness and luminosity.