Feeling bit lost in Sathsang now that I am no longer the guide

Sept 15

Shambavi was fine. Brahmanda was surprisingly just okay. Somehow I can't feel the energy.
I was surprised on the special meditation of cleansing. Didn't expect it to fly in the end.
Maybe I felt alone cos the regular not there or maybe I was no longer the star. Validation issue again. Came back feeling tense and had to shower.

One the meditator said my sharing was inspiring. She said when I stand there, a aura flow was on me. Actually I was surprised with my sharing. I can feel strong emotion. My net take back is that whatever meant to be will be. This takes away the control freak in me.

Woke up 4 am, body quite fine. But I remember that I normally don't do hata after Sathsang so I slept back. Woke up 4.40 am.
Did Bhuta Shuddi. Legs is better. Did cat stretch followed by one cycle of Surya Kriya. It was good. Both feet touch the ground for the four mountain pose despite no Angamardhana.
Shakti was good, laughing at every Kapala Bhakti. This is despite me having defensive tots of P.
Looks like she is back to her old commanding ways. In the end I know that I need her to be the way she is so I can leave Local Isha. She needs me to leave local Isha so she can face her lesson. Can see it brewing.

Mmm, my Ace of Hearts in Venus, ending 14 Oct. Looks like Sannidhi coming in Oct instead of Nov.

Just read my Venus Period in Ruling
Ruling
Six of Diamonds
Seven of Diamonds

Six of Diamonds
Settling of accounts. Though it usually takes the form of financial debts being paid or repaid, it can manifest in payments of other forms of 'value'.

Financial and Social affairs are running smoothly and without changes, but be careful about falling into a comfortable rut at this time. There may be a settlement of a financial matter with a family member or loved ones. Acting responsibly with all ur money affairs will only bring u greater happiness and prosperity at this time.

Seven of Diamonds
We are confronted with how attached we are to our money and given an opportunity to experience the real prosperity that comes with an attitude of gratitude.
Whether it is plan to make money, or love, situations will present themselves that test our faith in the abundance of the universe. By realising and then releasing our fears, we can transform our attachment into total fearlessness and personal freedom.

Soul
Can relate it local ISHA. Looks like the local ISHA is finally settled. The door is closed.

So now to remember what I want, to be freed instead of looking back what I feared, which is validation.