Settling down into being aloneness

Sept 10

Body woke up before 6 am, I slept back cos today is off day.
Later woke up from a dream upon alarm at 7 am. Feeling bit groggy cos jump up from a dream. I can see myself just sprung out of bed to switch off the alarm. Not a slow wake up.
Lie down a bit, and tot this is what snooze meant. Snooze bit and woke up at 7.16 am.

My two knees are in slight pain, not easy for me to squat.
Did Bhuta Shuddi..maybe slightly late but sky is cloudy. So I just proceed..main thing is to give myself to the process.
Was nice..lost in it. Recently I find that I went into deep meditation mode towards the end. Had to wake myself up.
Sang guru pooja...so nice.
Did cat stretch and then proceed to Angamardhana. Body is more nimble vs yesterday.
Did Surya Kriya, both feet able to touch ground for 3 sessions. left shoulder pain has reduced and so able to do the lying down posture. These days my upper body can lift up during the one leg stand pose. Previously upper torso can't be straightened.
Can't wait to see my progress on yoga asanas.
This week, no Shavasana after one cycle of Surya Kriya, straight away proceed to Breathing meditation. Can feel the energy flow, head shaking non stop. Was in deep meditation mode for awhile, and then slowly come back and watch my breathe.
Shakti was good..in third cycle tots of Y come in, memories of how we clicked; just like J and M did. Miss us. but he was not evolved enough for me..so no us.
At the end singing non stop. These days can go in deep into Shakti. Now truly enjoying Shakti.

Shambavi was good too. Singing at the end. The last few days I have been singing.
Amen.

Recalling my tots on Y and I. Suddenly tot of me transforming from Ace of Diamonds to Queen of Diamonds; I was not ready back then..I would have taken in others value. Anyone that is not conducive to my spiritual growth will be gone from my life. For a moment, ego said don't grow otherwise no one left for u. A tot came in, the same thing happened in my career as I too was worried to climb higher. But now on my spiritual growth, I stop for no one. I am a Queen, not an Ace; instead of lamenting that it reduces the opportunities, why not see it as being fortunate that only the evolved is meant for me.
Just as I am not into volunteering but into being open to energy space. Instead of judging myself as not good enough, of not being in the general public, why not accept my good fortune of being receptive. Accept that I am different, it is meant to be. Dont fight it. Accept that only evolved partner are meant for me, and if none is available, just continue on my  self journey, need not slow down or adapt to others. Just be who I am, grow to whatever I am meant to be.
Father, settling down finally.