Anger is coming out / Happy problem

Jan 10 Aft
Father, am glad D is the one who see me thru on sathsang. If it has been T, she would force me to be still. I am who I am.
It was great that D didn't stop me from being myself. She just want me to do proper greeting and wear kurta as I am a representative of Isha.

Jan 10 Eve
Father, just came back from IE. When I was in IE, again I was interrupted by M in the midst of discussion. I asked if I was loud. He said no, I gave him a glare and walk away.
I went to the hall and energy got to me, I settled down and start on Shambavi, I was giggling close mouth and again he stop me. I was so angry that I stop the kriya. So angry that I didn't want to continue with the practice. But I remember that I don't want to waste the IE energy, and I continued, this time I controlled my laughter furiously.

I settled down and I ask God for another tot of M. Is it projection? Am I like him, should be since he has the same birth date as me. But it doesn't stick.

Then another guy asked me to hold my laughter and I was fine. But why then react to M. I asked God, does he remind me of anyone, why does he trigger me? A tot of my brother came to mind. My brother always on the look out for me to criticise me, curtailed me. I now knew the trigger. My anger on M has reduced somewhat.

Then I asked is there another way of looking at this; an answer came - happy problem. If I didn't have such receptiveness and give out such joyous response, no one need to ask me to keep still. So, happy problem. With that, I was joyful again. I told myself I gave him a hug.

Then tot of white sathsang. At first didn't want to tell teacher. Alas, after the breakthru with M, I decided to do so. I told teacher that I would recommend for white sathsang as it is a special period and I would wear the kurta. She has a point that I represent Isha and I will follow the rule. I gave her a hug and she is happy too. I also shared that I am also racist, she laughed at me.

Alas, I felt freed. Coincidentally Sadhguru's topic was on karma. He says forget about old karma, just stop creating new ones and the old ones will die off. Amen.