Facing my karma in relationship (12)

Jan 22

Before Practice
Father, I am scared. First tot was he still wanted children. And I tot of the newspaper about younger man and older woman. Then 2nd tot was he has declared his intention that his playing field days is over and he is lonely and he wants to be a family man and that was something I dreamed about.

We even shared about our finances, typical diamond people. He talked about his biz and his financial commitment. He is being very open with me.

He even try to explain his rationale of one track mind. He said emotionally he liked the gal, mentally he tot of ways to get the gal, physically he wants to have her. Mmm, just like his dream car.

Father, actually both of us are sharing things we don't normally share with others. We r so comfortable and at ease with each other. For me, next step is to share the lack of physical experience.

For the first time I was unable since I found meditation. Yea, no wonder he is my Cosmic lesson card. He is pushing me to more than I am. One thing I learned is that he has the determination to go after what he wants. I don't do that, I don't even window shopp.

Father, guide me. Feeling bit scared and overwhelmed. I am having what I always dreamed about, an experienced guy, financially growing and is also a family man. Open communication.

After Practice
Laugh so much during practice. Was singing even during breathing awareness.
Now having breakfast with mom and her friends. Lovely time. I am feeling good.

Tot of F. I know it was my ego with her not giving me some admiration that I am used to :). But why she is triggered by me? We both have Ace of Diamond. I am fine with her but I can see her heavily triggered by me. She has 10 of Spade as Ruling and Ace of Diamond as Destiny and both are triggering each other. No wonder so mucheconflict. And her 10 of Spade makes it worse by working on it too hard.