Insecurity creates defense mechanism and resulting in self-sabotage (3)

Jan 18

Father, this morning woke up alert, joints pain has reduced loads. I was so nimble during hatha yoga. Its like I break free from an invisible cast. I think its becos I finished my dinner by 8.30 pm. Also I guessed because I broached my fear on relationship. And I think maybe due to change of routine, did shoonya first before samyama.

Also have tot to Seven of Heart starting on 29 Jan, worry about its challenges, don't want get my hopes up. Then I quickly says my mantra, my love life is effortless. A new positive tot came, Seven of Heart also represent spiritual love, overcoming my limiting belief in love by remembering the abundance in love.

(Feb 1 - yea, no tension. Just move and do my part and remember the abundance of love from Universe. What I need will come. Amen)

1. The Issue
Ice-olation.
When u draw a boundary around u, it makes u frozen like ice.
U may have tot that the only way to survive is to close off ur feelings and emotions so u can't be hurt again. But this can make us frozen, rigid.
U don't have warmth, u don't have love - love is warmth and u r afraid of love.
In love, the boundaries disappear, in joy boundaries also disappear, because joy is not cold.

Soul
I guess that's why I felt freed today. I was feeling energetic and as if freed from a hidden cast. My joy has removed the boundaries and I am letting love come.
Now I understand last week Osho, do ur meditation, be blissful and love will come on its own.
This msg furthers tells me that my self-boundary is dissolving. Yday, I took the first step and I asked to go scuba diving. Like he said, since we have common interest, we can accompany each other. I like that.

2. Internal Influence
Laziness
When u r in a state of non-doing, then u r full of energy - it is a very positive taste. U have full energy, overflowing. U r radiant, vibrating, not sleepy, perfectly aware.
Ur journey isn't over yet. Ur complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on as there are skies upon skies to be explored.

3. External influence of which u r aware
Control
Controlled person are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then ur not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectations for the future, u r not performing. Then why should u be nervous.

There is a time and a place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives, we end up totally rigid. We then cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it.
There is more to life than to be on top of things. If things get a little out of hand, its probably just what the doctor ordered.

Soul
Yeap, I can now dance on my seat, even outside my car. I just feel happy and sway to the music.
Now I know why, I was freed from my control pyramid structure. I felt light. And I know my joints will ease from now onwards.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Comparison
When u don't compare, all inferiority, all superiority, disappears. Then u r, u r simply there. A small bush or a big high tree -- it doesn't matter; u r urself. U r needed.

The way to find out who u r is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.

Soul
Will now put attention to my intention to be a Transformational Leader. Will also put attention to my intention to have an effortless love life.

5. Resolution
The Lovers.
When ur love is not just a desire for the other, when ur love is not only a need, when ur love is sharing, when ur love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when ur love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it and the pure fragrance is released. That is compassion.

When we r mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole.
This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wing takes us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.