A possible start or is it my mental compulsion

Dec 12 Eve (Guidance)

Father, sathsang was incredible. This is my most powerful todate. I was laughing so much, feeling so free, wanting to fly like a bird. I was also humming a few tunes, just feel great. I wasn't expecting this at all. In fact, I tot it would be mild since I didn't do meditation for one week. Alas, I just be there and Sadhguru's energy holds me up. From now onwards, I would just be there to fill the energy and music from the start.

Just now a fellow meditator, we click when we both found out that our favourite food is banana. Then during dinner he starts to probe on my whereabout in terms of housing and office and also marriage status. Of cos, my first tot, was he was keen, but since I now knew my compulsive mental rship issue, I now asked for an alternative tot, instead of over-analysis why he is probing. Why don't I analyse myself why I don't probe at all. In fact, it was my non-probing that causes the continuance of compulsive mental rship. When I was conned a few years ago, I couldn't even give any salient information because I never probe. Yea, suddenly recalled S probe too and so did E. Its just a guy thing for small talk.
But question is why don't I probe? I don't because, then I have to answer back. But today, he probe so many things and yet I didn't even retaliate by probing him back. Father, give me more answer. Something here.

Seven of Clubs in the Saturn
Negative attitudes, worry, and pessimism can affect your health at this time. In some cases, scandal or backbitting are involved.
A positive attitude, patience, and mental discipline are a MUST in order to maintain your well-being. During this period, you will be faced squarely with the effects of ur own negative attitudes and beliefs. Spiritual and mental discipline is the key to mastering not only yourself but any problems on the external level.

Soul
Suddenly tot I have been very negative when it comes to issue relating to love and money. I now acknowledged it and will change my tots.
Perhaps the inner worrying I have about my early retirement/writing - money has been 'eating' me up causing my RA to worsen.

The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent - Esther and Jerry Hicks
"Truths" are but beliefs that have been held for a time and "Beliefs" are but "Thoughts" that have been held over a period of time, has truly emphasised my awareness of the amazing power of thought.
Success is not measured by the physical things we accomplish or the stuff we gather. Success is measured by the degree of joy we are experiencing during our journey through this life.
By deliberately finding and maintaining your vibrational balance on ur intended pathway of joy, you'll also be attracting whatever you want to be, do or have - and you can have the happiness too

Soul
Looks like I got the right book. Re-read this. The last time was back in Feb 2008. I recalled I couldn't connect to it. But now that I know what I want to in my life, I want to create them.

Deliberate Intent
While creation is certainly about outcomes, or the manifestation of wanted things, experiences and conditions, it is really more about the process of creation. In other words, it is wonderful to attract and therefore possess a beautiful new vehicle - but life is really about the process of doing so.

Soul
Tot of the process of swimming. Just enjoying the strokes and feel of water. The end just came on its own. Its the process that matters.

Deliberate Intent
Life is really about beginning to feel the slight tugging of dissatisfaction with your current vehicle - and then feeling the gentle process of clarifying personal preferences regarding something different - and then aligning with the idea and details of the desired vehicle - and then consciously witnessing the movement of forces and situations to accommodate the acquisition.
Life is really about the ongoing, never-ending refocusing from each new vantage point. Life is always flowing to you and through you, but for you to have conscious deliberate awareness of it is the ultimate in truly living.
This emphasised the importance of having a deliberate intent for an end result, while at the same time, tending to the balance of your Energy along the way. It is about an awareness of the balance of your Energy than it is about the goal setting or focusing on end results.
As u come to practice the process, u will not only achieve your desired goals and outcomes more rapidly, but u will ENJOY every single step along the path even BEFORE the manifestation of your desires. Living your life will be an ongoing journey of joy, rather than one of experiencing long dry spells between occasional moments of temporary satisfaction in the achievement of something wanted.

Soul
This is exactly similar to my Insight at the pool yesterday. The tip is to be aware of the strokes and enjoying the feel of water, the sense of enjoyment by aligning to our own life pace moment by moment. The end comes on its own and its not even in ur radar of tots. Its like u do and become the process and the results happen by itself, it is effortless, no push factor at all.

(Jan 17 - same msg as Sadhguru, we are focused on gardening and not on the fruits of flower)

Soul
Father, thank U. The Angel of Efficiency is working. You come through again and again. I was asking for clarification on my Insight at the pool yesterday and the answers came today. Amazing. Thank U.

A tot came, I wanted to have a smart, loving and rich partner. Now I don't have. Why don't I just enjoy myself being a smart, loving and rich person, which I am. Amen.