Facing my karma in relationship (5)

Jan 8

Father, two persons whom I introduced drop out of the program. Surprisingly, this time I didn't take it personally, as if they rejecting my influence. This time I know is their own issue;
1. Don't want to play in life and Life responded by ousting her out.
2. Not thinking straight and lose track of ur main focus. Sometimes in life, there is no 2nd chance.

Father, amazing.

Learnings from IE
1. My rules
2. Responsibility - ability to respond. Act with intelligence. It is not taking the blame.
3. This moment is inevitable, we who live in the past and future(projection of past) is not living in reality. We r living in illusion.
4. If we accept the moment, we always be happy.

And me, I admit there is a physical attraction to Z. I am physically comfortable with him. And I also like the fact that he has no smell. I find that I gravitate to him unconsciously, I just like us to be close and cuddly.
Today, he acknowledged my writing. He said I wrote very well and could a journalist. That's pushing it as I think he was just flirting with me and I also find myself flirting back. But I am glad he like my writing.
Our team of volunteers went for supper and this time I called him out too. I know he has left but I hope he turn back. He declined to join us for supper, he explained that he is going for jogging. Surprisingly, I didn't even take his refusal personally at all. Father, I am freed.

Father, let's face it. I am mentally independent and I want someone to depend on physically and emotionally, someone to share my love, someone to share fine food and coffee with, someone to take care of me. I want someone to be near to me. E is mentally stimulating but is far away physically. So, finally after all these years I come back to my sense.

I used to place mental stimulation as number one priority for my partner, while I worked on mental satisfaction for myself. My partners used to be far away and we seldom meet.

Now mental is no longer important, I already let go of my career and besides I know I am smart and need not seek smart guy. I just want to savour my life. So, I want to have physical and emotional connection now. Suddenly recalled Ace of Diamond.

Ace of Diamond
They are here to learn about the value of having their mates and lovers with them. In their lifetime, there will be one or many relationships that are 'at a distance' and that this distance will create a longing in them to have their partners with them. This longing serves to balance out a past-life pattern of always being away from their partners.

Eventually, they learn that it is important not only to have a partner in love, but also that this partner be with them, physically, sexually and emotionally.
To learn this lesson, the Ace of Diamond starts out creating these long distance relationships but sooner or later changes their value system in this are and creates a healthier, more balanced pattern.

Soul
Father, I want my partner to share my life. I wanted someone that I can snuggle up to, someone to enjoy the comfort and joy of life.
I used to be satisfied with a mental relationship, guess perhaps physical relationship is frontal and subject to upfront rejection. Perhaps that's why I always choose mental over physical relationship, just like I choose writing over public speaking/counseling. It was my fear of suffering a rejection. I guess I aimed for a lower one to avoid pain.
But like Sadhguru said unfulfilled desire of lower height and higher height is the same effect. So, no point choosing lower height.
Father, again it was my fear that drives me in my choice of not having a physical relationship.

I used the Deflation mode to say that 'physical connection' is of a lower level and I wanted 'mental connection', that is at high level. Alas, this is also another case of fear making the choice.
Father, I broke the code of my relationship issue.

I just checked back on my Top 5 Passion; I wanted a physical and emotional connection with my husband. No mention at all of mental stimulation. We each do our own thing and then come back and connect with each other.

Mental rship never amounts to anything. Its true there is less 'shame" when it ended, but the pain of rejection/separation is still the same.

Father, all these discovery happens after I made the call to Z, something I would never do previously cos fear of rejection due to pride, fear that my valuation be lowered. Now I know my valuation is not affected by any happenings in the world.

Father, my love life is effortless. What a coincidence. Everything falls in place. When I was ready, his divorce is final. And we r freed to see each other.