Spring time of my life; I can dance!

Jan 11

Father, yday just had grapes for dinner. It was late and I don't feel like eating. Was having a dream, but woke up before alarm, at 3.50 am. Need to get up earlier to avoid jam. For shambavi, I realised I don't watch my breathe. I just sit and let wave of energy flow. It has a different feel. Anyway, will experience again tonight.

Osho
1. Issue
The Rebel
The Rebel is clearly the master of his own destiny. On his shoulder, is an emblem of the sun and the torch he holds in his right hand symbolizes the light of his own hard-won truth. He has broken the chains of society's repressive conditioning and opinion. He has formed himself by embracing all the colours of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky. He has found his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it. The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.

Soul
Amen.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Past Lives
We need to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives and their root in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behaviour.
This is a wake-up call; the events in ur life are trying to show u a pattern as ancient as the journey of ur own soul

Soul
Not so sure. But yday, broke thru the karma of disliking criticism or being curtailed. Instead of seeing negatively, I tot it was a happy problem. If I didn't have such receptivity, I won't need to be curtailed. So, its good news.

3. External influence
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by society.
Its time to make a move to break out of whatever u have been conditioned by others to believe about urself.

Soul
Wearing kurta is one of them. Learning public speaking is another.
Learning to accept my feeling. Not to worry abt rejection. Learning to be ok alone and being with others.

4. What is needed for resolution
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen on its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful.
U don't depend on others and u don't make others depended on u. Then it is always a friendship, a friendliness.
As long as things are moving beautifully, u share. And if u see the moment has come to depart because ur paths separate at this crossroad, u say goodbye with great gratitude for all that others have been to u. With no misery, with no pain, u simply separate.
True friends, mature, easy with each other, natural. There is no urgency about their connection, no neediness, no desire to change the other into something else. This card indicate a readiness to enter this quality of friendliness.

Soul
I can only think of Z and tot his reminiscence of Seven of Heart Saturn card - learning to let go of loved one and let them be.
Also tot of public speaking, letting go fear of rejection.

5. Resolution
Guilt
Guilt sits on ur chest like a rock, it crushes u. It does not allow u to dance. It does not allow u to love, it does not allow u to live.
So, the one who thinks he is doing something wrong is guilty, burdened, dead before death.
When we feel guilty, we end up surrounded by nagging clouds of self-doubt and feeling of worthlessness to the point we cannot see any of the beauty and joy that life is trying to offer us.

Soul
I can dance now. I dance to Sadhguru discourse. I dance in the car. I dance to music. I am alive again. This is spring time of my life.
I tot this as me no longer seeing things negatively whenever people doesn't seem to like me, doesn't acknowledge me, criticise me and etc.

(Jan 30 - went to Philharmonic's cello performance. It was great, I was able to dance throughout. This was even greater than the previous performance whereby I was emotionally connected and now physically connected to.)

Osho
If I cannot be loving alone, if I can be loving only with someone I love, then, really, I am not mature yet. Then I am depending on someone even to be loving; someone must be there, then I can be loving. Then the loving quality has not gone deep; it has not become a part of my being.

Osho
Intelligence can be discovered. The only method to rediscover it is meditation. Meditation destroys all the barriers of society. It function is negative, it removes the rocks that are preventing ur waters from flowing, ur springs from coming alive.

Soul
Yeap, now is the spring time of my life



Soul
I now love me on my own.