I am transforming (9)

Jan 15

Father, woke up at 6 am. Feel alert. Slept a bit and woke up 6.30 am to do breathing awareness, shakti and shambavi. Average connection.

Then went for swim. Slight hiccup as mom wanted to go to visit aunt at hospital. Surprisingly, I offered to fetch her and even walked her in to hospital. The old me would freak out as I want to swim earlier to avoid the hot sun. Anyway, by the time I reach the pool was 20 minutes later than usual.

I swam at my own pace. Had a great time singing and giggling in the pool after every lap. I realised that when I am at my own pace, breathe in water is steady and able to respond properly instead of panic when I faced torpedo swimmers. An amazing feat. Just swimming at my own pace, savouring the water and the breathe was at normal speed even towards the end of lap. Incredible after years of being scared of water.

Toward the second lap, I saw a guy teaching his gal to swim and I tot I used to wish for my boyfriend teaching me, supporting me in my swim. But now I don't need to as I can swim lovingly in the pool. It took me many years but alas I can. Also tot of Z, looks like I have to be the one teaching him to swim instead.

Then an Insight came. We always hope and wish for others to give us to give us what we want, love, money and etc. Of course we face disappointment as most time we don't get and even when we get, it doesn't last and we attach ourselves, create possession cos fear to lose what we received. Perhaps the 'trick' is to cultivate it in ourselves instead and then to share it. Like me in my swim. Took me years and now I can swim lovingly and happily.


Evening
Came back from the session with friends from Soul Sisters. I shared that now I don't want anymore drama in my love life. My love life is effortless, with or without. I will show myself up, on my term. F says that drama will continue due to close proximity. I can't say anything cos I haven't been there. Three of us are of strong characteristic, F is stubborn, S is headstrong and me arrogant. What a combination.
　
Soul
Now I know why I came away feeling not as great. Its because I felt that if I cannot influence these 2 persons who knows me well, what's more to influence others. Who will listen to my Insights?? Who will appreciate it. There goes my Destiny. Maybe just an illusion. Thats my ego talking, cos losing the normal admiration.