Our ego deflates others whenever the insecurity sets in

Dec 16 Eve
Father, many things happen tonite.

Firstly, was seeing R in deflation mode. His defense mechanism was to hide from outside environment that is triggering his emotion.
When we went together to distribute the brochures, he said he would be 1st level frontliner and I would be 2nd level, is he will send me the people who has deeper inquiry. When we reach there, he immediately sit down and don't want to distribute at all and then proceeded just to watch Sadhguru dvd as he hasn't watch before.
An hour later, when Sadhguru dvd is completed, he has nothing to do and start to 'clean up' my notebook. There were nothing on screen but still he was staring at the notebook. Then it dawn on me that he was hiding behind the notebook because he is embarrassed.
I later questioned him and he start to deflate by saying that I am better than him and hence its better for me to do it. Going on and on.
I told him that he was lucky to have me as the partner as I am comfortable with stranger. While I don't like to do it cos there is possibility of rejection, I will do it cos we are here to promote Isha.

Then I suddenly recalled that he says he has nothing to do with his divorce. He was committed to his children and he tried with his wife, but she wasn't keen. So he turn his attention to the children. Isn't that a form of deflation. He 'hid' from his wife and focus on the children, just like he 'hid' from the walking strangers and focus on the notebook.

Deflation is a defense mechanism. Do I use it? A tot came, that I hid whenever I tot that I would be 'rejected' or perhaps not welcome. I hid by ignoring the person. Is that also deflation.

He told me his view of his divorce. Why people are so open with me? Why do I inspire such trust? How can trust me, an acquaintance?

A tot came, perhaps question should be;
1. Why I can't trust like them?
I have difficulty in trusting others and here I attract people who can willingly and openly share their secret with me, an acquaintance.

Then on Isha. I took up sathsang cos there is no one and I take this an opportunity to learn public speaking, as I can turn this into a possibility when I need to promote my book and career in speaking engagement. Then just now the volunteers team said that they want me to be the Presenter for the Isha 1 hour intro.

Suddenly I tot, it is funny. I let go of the Isha promotion cos I tot I can't do anymore or rather I failed. But after I let go, it came back.
Just last week I told J that the only part that I cannot identify with my natal chart is that I have the talent for public speaking and will have career success if I pursue. As if that can happen. J retorted and said that it is definitely possible as when I become famous with my book, I would need to reach out to more people. Amen.