Answers on ending with Isha

May 6 Eve

Father, I try to call Z. This is third time. This time I left a msg on my displeasure.

Father, I know my issue on unlovability but sometimes it does get on my edge. I forgot that I was planning for our meetup this Thursday evening.

The Diamond Heart - Book 1
Why do people fall in love? People fall in love because as they begin to expand, they start to get close to their essence. Then the unconscious, the personality, gets in the way. It is threatened by getting close to Essence. So, u project ur essence outside onto someone else and fall in love with it.

Soul
I love the goodness in Z. He is so forgiving. I guess that's the goodness in me. Today the con job, I continue giving cos I want to give him a chance to repent. I don't want to believe the worst of him. When he did the con, I felt sorry for him that he has to live his life this way. For me, the money is nothing but for him is something. Perhaps that's the goodness in me who believes that everyone is good at heart.


The Diamond Heart - Book 1
If u think back to when u fell in love, it was at the height of a time of feeling good, of expansion. Suddenly, the right person shows up and you are in love. U might have known him for years, but u had never seen him as wonderful. Suddenly he's acquired all this wonderfulness; all these suns are shining through him. You have it, but you think he has it. That's basically what happens when u fall in love.

Positive projection happens when u start becoming more and more aware of ur true nature, ur essence. Before this what u know best is ur personality, and that's what u project. When u start to experience ur value, ur love, ur essential self, ur compassion, all kind of issues arise from the unconscious, barriers against experiencing Essence. This will make u want to project it outside.

Soul
Yea, Eat, Pray and Love. My life story. I fell in love with Z more than 1.5 years ago when I was at my peak. I was feeling secure and ready to fall in love, ready to face my issue on unlovability.
I knew him for nearly six months and suddenly it happen. I saw the goodness in him, I saw the diamond in him. Perhaps that's me; I who always wanted to say I am not nice ...is actually a good person.


The Diamond Heart - Book 1
As a person starts getting deeper into herself, regressing to those earlier stages, she gets to the deep layer of the unconscious that has the merged state imprinted on it, that very early symbiotic state where the mother had all the good qualities. So the positive projection may feel wonderful and sound like a good thing, but it's still projection and it still lacks objectivity.

Soul
Yea, me trusting a stranger, the type who can do mumbo jumbo. Me continuing to give money, believing the stranger will have conscience and won't lie.

The Diamond Heart - Book 1
Being who u r, being ur essence, should be completely independent of any other factor, inner or outer.
Essence is the life. Essence is the fulfillment. It is not the environment, not the situation, not the job.

Soul
Thanks for the reminder. I got my Essence so easily and I guess I forgot how valuable it is. I need not depend on Z.

The Diamond Heart - Book 1
As we begin to get in touch with our own essential states again, we tend to be innocent and naïve. For instance, when we begin to feel our own value and we come upon false value in the world, we tend to believe real value is there.
That is when objective perception is needed to see what is actually there, especially since we have all kinds of unconscious reasons to want to believe the other person has it, the situation has it, a certain group has it. It is so hard for us to feel that we ourselves actually have it.


Soul
I knew the stranger con but I wanted to correct the perception that Indian are bad and so I gave him another chance. But he didn't repent.

Like the indian guy who came in for reporting. I know he can do the job but he may not fit into the team and he may not make us look great and we need time to mold him. But I pity him and wanted to give him a chance cos no one has.
Also, he is available within 2 weeks, that was the clinch.

But anyway, I woke up after the con from the stranger. Forget about helping people; just focus on what I need. That Z's advice for me too. I am building a team and I want a progressive, energetic team. Also, I now see the potential in JV and I want him to take the lead instead. Also my key focus is building an energetic, smart team.

Soul
Thanks for the con job and also the message in this book. It woke me up.

The Diamond Heart
We think, "If I am the only who's got it, I'll end up all alone"

Yes, you might end up alone. Alone and happy. This doesn't mean that u will have to be alone, but it does mean that u have to make the choice of being willing to be alone, if that's what it takes to own ur essence. Eventually, u will be faced with this choice.


Soul
Exactly. That's was my dilemma with Isha. I was afraid if I break off, I will lose my practices, my joy and I be alone in my journey. How can I be ungrateful to break off from the one that taught me to touch my Essence.

Alas, my sadness was overpowering and it was helped by the workload of handling 2 companies. I can then give up Isha with less guilt. And both teacher and N also helps.

The Diamond Heart - Book 1
Do you want to be "loved", "appreciated", "seen" and be miserable, or do you want to be "alone", "uncared for", and happy, genuinely happy. That's a choice everyone will have to make. That is the true independence. The true realisation is that ur essence is not dependent on ur exterior life at all. The whole world might be against u, but if u are ur essential self, u will be content.

Soul
True, especially with leaving Isha. I have no "power", I have no activities and etc but I am happy.
Of course, when I couldn't find success in new co, I start to get stress due to old issue on valuation.
Father, next on the line is Z.