Didn't do my practices

Apr 5

Father, I woke up feeling tired, really sleepy. I then went back to sleep. I tot I wake up at 5 am to do meditation. Alas, I didn't. I slept through and woke up at 6.15 am. I then slept back again and woke up finally at 6.50 am.

Well, outcome is not great. I feel lethargic. It would have been better with my practices. So, practices to continue regardless of how tired I am.

Just told Z that I do think of him as my boyfriend. Yesterday when he asked me if am I his girlfriend, I was unwilling to answer. I guess I tot he was joking and I didn't want to be hurt. This morning, it doesn't matter.

We actually been together for one year and few months. He said we been together for 2 years.

Yesterday, out of blue, I emailed teacher that the Ashram teacher she send has energised the volunteers. I guess I just want to thank her. Honestly, I don't think she is a bad person, but her fear of loss of control and etc, made her do things that are not right. She is black or white person, no grey. And her insecurity is easily triggered. Like V said, when u have given up everything and she only have Isha to hold on too, that's what happen.

When P called me for help, I just help her. For me, there is no volunteering. I have a group of friends that I treasured and I enjoyed their companies. So, its just doing things together. I am surprised at myself, what happen. I tot I was supposed to pull out. I guess now there is a difference, I know the cage is open.

Resolution
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. U deceive him and he trusts u; and u deceive him again, and he trusts u. Then u will say that he is a fool, he does not learn. His trust is tremendous; his trust is so pure that no one can corrupt it.

Whatsover experience comes to u, let it happen, and then go on dropping it. Go on cleaning ur mind continuously; go on dying to the past so u remain in the present.

This card indicates that if u trust ur intuition right now, ur feeling of the "rightness" of things, u cannot go wrong. Ur actions may appear "foolish" to others, even to urself if u try to analyse

I am also happy with the goodbye from S. He said he appreciate my offer to stay but in the end, knowing I won't be there, he can't. He said he is really appreciative of me and wants me get me an IPad if he gets the overseas manufacturing job.

As I was driving today, I saw the beautiful grass on the road and tot what a lovely sight.

Freedom by Osho
Unless ur freedom turns into a creative realisation, u will feel sad. Because u will see that u r free - ur chains are broken, and u r no longer in prison; u r standing under the starry night, completely free. But where to go go?

Then comes a sudden sadness. What path do u choose? Up to now there was no question of going anywhere - u were imprisoned. Ur whole consciousness was concentrated on how to get free and that was ur only anxiety.

Soul
Suddenly tot of me. Earlier my only tot was to be free of Isha. Now that I know I was carrying the burden of responsibility that was unnecessary. I can let go and carry whenever I want to. Amen.
I no longer feel suppressed.