Understanding instead of judging myself

Apr 6

This morning I woke up at 4 am feeling bit tired eventhough I slept early at 10 am. Then I decided to take a half day off. At least S will still be in on 1st half and 2nd half. .

Father, I do like the practices. It is part of me already. I can't let go. I am actually happy doing the asanas despite the mind saying no. I didn't bring my notebook and so cannot update my blog. But its good for me to be in Starbucks.

Volunteering - I don't like it. I don't even do it in Ashram. I don't know lah, I am different from the rest. I never felt the inclination to volunteer. If anything, Isha help me to love myself, take care of myself.

Like the new job. While I am excited about it, JV said E wants to groom me to take over from him. I am excited but it no longer takes over me. Like today, I just took half day off. My Friday break is a must. Even E was here, I still take off.

Freedom by Osho
If u rebel against others, it will be a reaction, not a rebellion. A reaction comes out of anger, a reaction is violent. In reaction, u become blind with rage; u start moving to the other extreme. This is not rebellion - this is rage, anger, revenge.

U r not to fight because u will not know when to stop. In a fight, one lose awareness; in a fight, one starts moving to the extreme.

In reaction, the trace is there. In rebellion, there is not trace; it is utter freedom.

The real rebel is not a fighter; he is a man of understanding. He simply grows in intelligence, not in anger nor in rage. U cannot transform urself by being angry at ur past. If u remain angry, then the past will continue to dominate u, it will remain the center of ur being and will remain ur focus.

There is not going to be a fight; the question does not arise. U just have to be a witness. And witnessing is ur original face; the one who witnesses is ur real consciousness. That which is witnessed is conditioning. The one who witnesses is the transcendental source of ur being.

Soul
Again about witnessing.


Apr 6 Eve
Father, I am bit worried. Teacher seems earnest to talk to me. I guess she wants to motivate me. Alas, that's not possible. I am not demotivated, it is just that I was never motivated in the first place. I took up the responsibility as there was no one there. I didn't plan for it and I didn't want it.

I haven't been spending time on my Top 5.