Accepting my ending with Isha

Apr 19

Father, I slept around 10 plus cos mind was wandering on Isha and I don't want to go there. But I admit I must now work on my web. Looks like my new job is not as overwhelming as I tot now that I got Isha off my back.

Father, I tot since day one, apart from the Sathsang set up, I have never felt like volunteering. I don't have this passion for Isha like others. Even my attendance for IE was solely to energise myself and I was vocal about it. And then I had to be Sathsang guide, which left me unhappy cos it took away what I love about being with Isha. After one year, I only got to let go of the unhappiness. My attendance and participation is solely out of responsibility because of my role as Sathsang guide. Once this is taken out, I can join back like a normal meditator.

Today hata, I was laughing during the 1st lying down asanas, just feeling joyful despite doing hata at 4 plus am. After hata, I indulge myself and I slept and I dreamed of Z. I dreamed that my mom and I visited Z and his mom at Z's house. My mom and Z's mom seems to be able to chat. Looks like I wanted our relationship to deepen.

Mmm, my weight is going down since my decision to drop Isha. I guess I need not pile on food to offset the unhappiness. I am beginning to know and accept my role in new company. I can even see the old company is no longer doing me good. The old company and Isha has helped me for the last 3 years plus. I am grateful but I must moved on. But whatever I learned, stays with me. Hearing what L described about me, being knowledgeable and have clear communication. Hearing that E also have the same tots.

Today the shakti and shambavi was effortless and I went in deep. I did a great kapala bhakti. I felt that a new energy has arisen within and I felt strong.

The Inner Journey
The statue holds a shining sword on one hand and a lamp on the other.
A person can only be non-violent when he himself has become a sword.
The lamp of peace will only be of benefit to a man in whose being a sword of courage has been born, in whose being, a sword of energy and strength has been born.
The personality should be filled with total strength and on the other hand, with total peace: only then an integrated personality, a wholeness can arise.

Soul
This msg is coincidental to my Resolution Card: Abundance - Zorba the man and Buddha meet together, a whole man. The support of ur own male energies will come into ur life, a union with the soul mate within.

The Inner Journey by Osho
People who held on the lamps in their hands become absolutely weak. They have no strength to protect the lamp of peace. These are people of the East.
On the other hand, there are people who simply stopped caring about the lamp, who took up the sword and started using it. These are people of the West.
Both people are crying. The whole world is crying. The right man is both a living sword and a lamp of peace. I call somebody a religious man only if both of these things have arisen in him.

Right Food
Any food which takes man into any kind of unconsciousness, any kind of excitement, any kind of extremity, any kind of disturbance, is harmful. And the deepest, ultimate harm is when these things start reaching the navel

The lighter the food is, the less it creates heaviness on the body, the more valuable and significant it will be for the beginning of ur inner journey.

The right Diet should not create excitement, should not be intoxicating, it should not be heavy. After eating rightly, u should not feel heaviness and drowsiness.

So the first thing is that every person should be very aware and conscious about his eating. And I am saying this especially for the meditator. It is necessary for a meditator to remain aware of what he eats, how much he eats and what it effects are on his body. If u experiment for a few months with awareness, u will certainly find out which is the right food for u, which food gives u tranquility, peace and health.

Soul
I am surprised. I am not resisting this msg on food. I am more receptive. I have already avoided negative pranic food. I have also eliminate Vietnam, Thai and Japanese raw fish and Italian smoke meat or fish. So now I wanted to do, is to eat less. Since I am eating every meal, to reduce volume.