Uncertainty with new job (1)

Mar 13

Father, I was surprised. Just when I accepted Z's lack of response, he finally turn around. I call him yday but couldn't reach him and then I msg him. He returned call the following night. We had our chat about one hour. He didn't want to stop despite not having dinner yet.

This morning, I woke up at 5 am, just do the meditation without hata. Yesterday sleep has improved but I slept only around 12 am cos my call with Z ended about 11.30 pm.

1. The Issue
Aloneness
When there is no "significant other" in our lives, we can either be lonely, or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings.
When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends and colleagues.

"Be a light unto urself". Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guides.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Postponement
There is still too much "what-if?" Activity in her mind. The one and only result of postponing things is a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and stuck-ness today. The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside all the dithering tots that are preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u ever waited so long.

Soul
Not sure. I guess it could be between current and new company. Part of me has some slight regret that I let go easy life. But there is one part of me who knows that I have a role to play in new company.
Again, my karma of managing difficult boss. While E is not volatile, he can be stubborn and doesn't take advice easily. Nevermind, just remember I am his challenge. We have both Mars and Venus, we just need to work together.

3. External influence that u r aware.
Consciousness
We come from the unknown and we go on moving into the unknown.
There is no desire to understand from the perspective of the mind - the understanding you have now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself.
Accept this gift, and share it.

Soul
I did share with P. I share with E. Let's see. Father, of late I felt all our dramas is for nothing. Whenever we are overly excited , angry or anxious, most of the times is due to projection. And that is the whole purpose of feeling, to let us know something is not right.

(May 5 - I now knew that my misery with teacher/Isha on restriction is due to my own hidden restriction on myself. I restrict all my wants, out of fear of growing, of failing, of not having)

3. What to do?
Adventure
Danger will be there, sacrifice will be there; you will be moving every day into the unknown, into the unchartered, and there will be no map to follow, no guide to follow. Yes, there are millions of dangers and u can go astray and u can get lost, but that is the only way one grows.

Insecurity is the only way to grow, to face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of unknown is the only way to grow.

Soul
Yea, new office, new boss, new colleagues.
I used to think I can always grow. But learning about my South Node in Scorpio made me realise that I tend to avoid growth - due to need to be in control.

5. Resolution
Celebration
Life is a moment to celebrate, to enjoy. Make it fun, a celebration, and then u will enter the temple.
True celebration arise from a joy that is first experienced deep within, and spills over into an overflow of joy.