When we focus on our happiness, no resistance to externals, it just flows

Mar 27

Father, I did my practice. Asanas was fine. I fell asleep after hata. Then I did a short breathing followed by Shakti and Shambavi.

Looks like P and C won't let me go yet. Anyway, I do low profile. Actually I wanted to go off since last Sept 2010 and mid 2011 and the early 2012. Things was fine with teacher then. Why did I want to let go? Because I had no time for my writing and my boyfriend Z and also I cannot fit. I find it restrictive to be in the lead role in Isha.

Father, I don't know lah. But nowadays I am more open of acknowledging Z as my boyfriend. Mmm, Z also put my website under favourite. He read my article.

1. The Issue
The Rebel
The enlightened man cannot be enslaved. Everyone who has known something of the inner is bound to be a little difficult to be absorbed; he is going to be an upsetting force. He does not seem to belong to anybody. No organisation confines him, no community, no society, no nation.

He is not fighting against anybody or anything but because he has discovered his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it.
The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.

Soul
Yea, it is still to be out of Isha. Its time I find my own glory instead of basking under the shine of Isha.
Teacher was just the catalyst to push me off. She is not the reason.

I also tot of my work. I prefer to work only 2nd half day. Actually I am now planning 1st half Monday and 1st half Friday. Sunday/Monday spent with Z. Friday on breakfast time with my mom and my writing. To the company they would seem to have me five days week. But for me its like 3 days per se.

2. Internal influence
Breakthrough.

It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become breakthrough.

Allow urself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing. In doing so u will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.

Soul
I am surprised at my acceptance over S's resignation. He was worried about meeting me and here I was so calm. He was surprised and said I have changed.

When P was worried about the youtube branding, I was not. To me, just blank it.

I just know one thing. Nothing and no one is worth disturbing my peace, my sense of well-being. When u resist, u r focus on problem rather solution. Or u r focused on the disturbance rather than ur well-being When u focus on ur well-being u accept, solution just came. Ur well-being remain intact.

On the Reporting Analyst, I just bought some time off.

3. External influence of which u r aware
Laziness
When u r in a state of non-doing, then u r full of energy - it is a very positive state. U r radiant, bubbling, vibrating.

This poolside resort is not ur final destination. The journey isn't over yet, as that white bird flying into the vastness of the sky is trying to show. Ur complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement but now its time to move on. There are skies upon skies still waiting to be explored.

Soul
Yea. Focus on my well-being.


4. What is needed for resolution?
Burden
A man's true life is the way in which he puts off the lie imposed by others on him. Stripped, naked, natural, he is what he is.
This is a matter of being, and not of becoming. The lie cannot become the truth, the personality cannot become ur soul.
Striving after truth is a distraction and a postponement. It is the lie's way to hide. See the lie, look deep into the lie of ur personality. Because to see the lie, is to cease to lie. The moment the lies disappears, truth is there in all its beauty and radiance.


Soul
I just tot of this, focus on my well-being. The lie was me focus on becoming. Becoming more, becoming valuable, becoming someone important. I don't want to become anymore. I just want to BE.
Mmm, suddenly I tot that's how I reacted with teacher, S and Sh and even P yday. I don't have to create resistance from them. I just focus on being ME.

5. Resolution
Control.
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u r not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectation for the future, u r not performing.

Soul
Exactly. When I focus on my sense of well-being, I just flow without any resistance and act accordingly to maintain my sense of well-being.

Eight of Hearts
This is a card of considerable emotional power, charm and personal magnetism. This could be an indicator of having healing energy, a 'spiritual force' gathering in u, a force u can use to better ur life in many ways.

Soul
Yea. Loving myself, making myself happy, keeping focused on my sense of well-being.