I have been saying No to my inner self

Mar 19 Aft

Father, today I also break it with new boss, E. I cannot be afraid of disrupting our good relationship. I have a dual reporting. In the end, when I am valuing myself, I m happy and then I can face anything.

Father, my issue with RA.

Arthritis
Feeling unloved. Criticism and resentment
I am love. I now choose to love and approve of myself. I see others with love

Rheumatoid Arthritis
Deep criticism of authority. Feeling very put upon.

Soul
I was my own Authority and I valued others instead of myself. I seek approval from others instead of myself. It was so hidden that it was an automatic rejection of my Self.
No wonder there is spate of anger and resentment (envious) at others who seems to be able to ignore their responsibilities/commitments. It was because I want to but can't. Well, the chain is now broken.

Destiny in Saturn (28 Jan to 20 Mar 2012)
Four of Spades
This is a card of satisfaction and stability in both health, work and all affairs in general. Recovery from illness and any work-related problems can be expected under this influence. It can mean working hard and steadily, but usually this is a welcome situation.

Soul
Yea, finally RA uncovered. Now I knew how my root cause of Unlovability arise. It is because I don't value myself, I don't love myself. But since I didn't know that, I project it into romantic relationship and experience the unlovability feeling.

Soul without shame
Disengaging from self-judgement is done specifically so that u can be in a place of greater self-truth. Having defended against ur judge, u have the space and safety to be present in ur experience, free of rejection, prejudice or blame.

It is a process of recognising the truth of what is occurring inside u as u go about ur life.

Soul
A tot came. It is because I don't self value that I seek value externally. Firstly I seek in valuation from career. Then I seek valuation from Isha. I don't seek valuation from romantic relationship cos I believe it to be a losing game, not within my control.

Nine of Heart
This is the card of completions in love and of Universal love. It can signal the ending of one or more key relationships.
If so, it is most likely that these relationships are no longer doing u any good. It is time for them to end, whether or not u realise this at the time they happen.

Soul
Yea, I am ending my relationship with myself.