Make peace with teacher

Mar 12

Yesterday I slept badly again. This the third night, but it is not as bad as the other two nights. Alarm came at 4 am and surprisingly I was wide awake. But I know that I am still tired but was more energised by yesterday sathsang and it is not my own energy.

I know there is tons of work, not really as I got a team of staff. Father, somehow I am not bothered by the work challenges. Even with S leaving, I think with the shift of RW report back to D, J can take over her MS reporting.

As for Isha, I have made my peace with teacher and N. From now onward, just tell her how I feel instead of keeping it inside.

As for P issue with teacher, it is something for her to work out. In other world, we would be able to ignore her or etc to get things done. But now we r dependent on her whims and fancy and we have to bend our back. Perhaps that's our lesson. It is not on volunteering job but on working out our own issue.

As for C, perhaps now is her time to be vulnerable, to seek love. She has a tough life as a young widow raising 2 kids. It is time for gentle life for her.

As for me, I am clear that I no longer want to be alone. My partner and family is more important to me. And my writing is more important than my work. Also there is nothing on Isha but what I valued is the friendship. I guess perhaps it is learning that I can depend on others and it is ok to have others in my life.

Alas, my value of Ace of Diamond is gone. Somehow the finale between teacher and me did the trick.

Now, only issue is Z. But let's see.

Father, since my writing is more important than my career. I should be spending more time on it. In future, I should do my writing first before doing the work or Isha or etc.

(May 6 - I now realised that whenever I think I cannot have, I just let go. I tot there is no more career to climb, and I let go. When my writing reach nowhere, I let go. I really lacked determination. I want both my writing and my career.)