Uncertainty with new job (2)

Mar 14

Father, I woke up a few times last night due to cough. The phelgm has diluted. I guess I am recovering. Today I woke up just before alarm and I tot it was 5 am, but it turned out to be 7 am.

Father, I didn't realise that SS was actually demotivating me until my FM said so. He takes every turn to reminds me that I made the wrong call of transferring to new company. He keep on saying E will treat me poorly and I won't have my time.

JC said he is preventing me from moving up and FM said something similar that perhaps I am threatening SS's position. I told her unlikely. Anyway, regardless of his reason, its me. I must have been uncertain for it to shake me.

I spoke to MA and she said it is probably due to his insecurity. He knows how big new company is and he also knows people at the top like me too and hence I got load of prospect, whereas his work is already set. I guess he sees me as prodigy that now has gone off.

As for me, its true. I have been half shoe in, half shoe out. I still have not take over from E yet. I will do so.

Suddenly it occur to me that SS was trying to make my new company and boss 'small' so he can feel big.

For me, I am still bit overwhelm, so I make current company's work load big, so new company become 'small'. I was postponing my entry into new company.

Soul without shame
U must honestly want the truth of ur own experience more than u want to avoid pain or feel pleasure. The truth supports who u actually are, but it is often difficult to be with u as u peel away the layers of ur inner life.
With care, guidance and the support of the various qualities of ur essential nature, u have the capacity as an adult to be with ur own truths one step at a time in a way u could not be as as child. This is what is necessary in order to be truly urself.