Seeing my sadness as guide post instead of misery

May 8

Father, I cried loads yesterday over Z. Suddenly sadness came over me in the car. I cried that he didn't love me after one year, I cried that I am asking for love.
This time he even responded quickly but still sadness boils over. I guess this is to with the Neptune's Queen of Heart, about him meeting the gal of his dream. I guess I felt there is no hope etc.
I was sad cos I love him and want to be with him. I want to sleep and wake up to him in the morning.
I guess I can no longer pretend it is ok. It is not ok.
Yesterday I was so miserable and wanted to end misery by leaving him.
This morning I see my sadness as an indication to pursue for what I want, which is him.
Mmm, what a difference. So similar to my Osho card this week

Issue
New Vision
Now u r presented with an opportunity to see life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together and when we come to know from experience that the dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated.

Question to Z;
Do we want to end or we open up and grow?

Finally I am fine with sadness. I am no longer afraid of sadness. It is just a sign post, a barometer. My Osho Resolution card
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad. The pain is not to make u miserable. The pain is just to make u more alert. And when u r alert, misery disappears.

Time of great sorry have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self pity.

Soul
Amen.
What a long journey. It started with auto-suppression of sadness, then avoidance of sadness, then fear of sadness, followed by acceptance of sadness and now welcoming sadness a sign post /barometer.