Finally able to confront Z with my sadness without hanging up

May 10

Father, I enjoyed my suria. Shakti and Shambavi was fine. The plough back in the end was deep.

One thing Z said that strikes me is when I become emotional, I will narrow down the topic and then burst and I make him burst too. That is true and he manage me. I was at the point of hanging up a few times and he interjected some jokes to keep me going. He said this is the first time we discussed our rship without me hanging up on him. That's true. I have to say its kudos to him. But I too helped by not feeling overwhelmed.

Anyway, I told him my love is not unconditional. If he continues to hold back, I would walk out on him. I don't know when, but when limits up I goes.
He always said he need to control his feelings for me. Mmm, I used to take it negatively. But I now see it as his feelings for me must be strong enough for him to be afraid and wanting to hold it back.

He tries ways and means to 'sell' his terms to me. This time I didn't hold back. I scolded him and he took it well. He didn't want to burst. I didn't clamp down when I got emotional. I am no longer so afraid to be emotional.

Father, I am no longer afraid of losing him. Whereas he is afraid of losing me.

For the first time, I don't feel bad after our discussion. Yesterday I did cried for a bit. But I know I be fine. Love is not unconditional. Suffering is not forever.

May 10 Aft
Father, I really got a role to play in new company. Like I told P, I am busy but I am also excited.

I recalled I run a similar ship back in the copier company. In here, I know I can run an even bigger ship.