All trees stand alone...maybe I too need to do so

Jun 10
Yesterday I got the Completion card. Deep within there was still a tiny hope that Z will turn. Alas, yesterday the illusion is gone. Finally and completely over.

Despite a nose block I woke up 4.30 am. Body was not too bad but mind was not ok. Feeling overwhelmed of having to lead at work and in Isha.
Then acted up and went to take a doze. At first couldn't sleep and then doze off half hour later into a dream. Wake up from dream and did my practices. There were tots of Isha leadership again. Why me?
I try to waive It off cos didnt want it to affect my practices. Did a quick breathing, followed by Shakti. Shakti is improving. Shambavi was great. I was shaking furiously during aum chanting. Towards the end, a sense of calmness settled in me.
I got dressed and look myself into the mirror. I look lovely. My recent skin blemish all cleared up and I m glowing.

Went to work. As I was driving, I look at the trees, so sturdy, all standing alone. Suddenly it got me, it is not that I m overwhelmed with responsibility but I was pining for my soul mate. Since I don't have soul mate, I don't want to take so many responsibility as I m afraid I got no one to lean on.
Then I woke up. I start to see that I m setting myself short. I can lead. I m strong. Having a partner doesn't define me; should not detract myself.

I just took charge and sent out a couple of messages. Feeling better now. I am a leader even without a partner.

Just asked H to be our Sathsang sponsor and she agreed for 200 monthly. So, we are covered for the same sathsang hall.