Learning to appreciate what I have instead of what I lost

Jun 15 aft
Just woke up from afternoon nap. Didn't sleep well cos waken up by cough. A tot came, "This too will pass".
The pain was nothing compared to the wedding message I received back in late December last year. I survived then, this was nothing compared to last time.

Tots of Z coming in but I hold on to the peace I felt this morning during practices.

Whole family having roast duck  and it smells great. No tot of eating as I don't want the duck to become me.

The Power of Now
Instead of "watching the thinker", u can also create a gap on the mind stream simply by directing the focus of ur attention into the Now. Every time u create a gap in the stream of mind, the light of ur consciousness grows stronger.

Soul
Samyama is "watching the thinker".

Evening
Father, the nagging tots of Z still goes on.
Me, thinking of revengeful tots doesn't help cos Z's card already said a good year for marriage and pleasure. I don't want to waste my energy.

I want to cry but so many people in my house. I just can't release.

 I don't want the tots cos it only make me sad. Just some victim tots. I want to remember that I have abundance of other things eventhough I may not have a partner. I want to remember I too can have happiness. I want to remember I truly doesn't want the lifestyle of a marriage with kids. I only wanted a committed loyal partner that we can grow together.

A tot came, its nothing to do with Z. It's just my need for a partner. Just because Z is gone, I need not lose hope. I need to have faith that I too can have a loyal loving partner, who is rich, smart and spiritual.

I who never tot I can swim breast stroke, now can. I who I never tot I can give up meat, now I can. I who tot i can have 3 days job, i can. I who tot i can't open up physically, now can. I who tot i can't open my website and blog, I can. These are miracles.
So, why not another one. Father, I want to break thru this cycle of fear of unlovability. It may have dented with Z. But it doesn't mean I m not. The truth is I can connect with The Source. I have found my peace and joy.

The Power of Now
By dwelling mentally on the situation, event or person that is the perceived cause of the emotion, the tot feeds energy to the emotion, which in turn energises the tot pattern, and so on. 

U will not be free of that pain until u cease to derive ur sense of self from identification with the mind, which is to say the ego. The mind is then toppled from its place of power and Being revealed itself as ur true nature.