My happiness is back

Jun 6
Woke up at alarm at 4.30 am but body was feeling ok but mind says no cos we woke up few times due to bad cold.
For the first time in my life, my cold is in the form of nostril. All my life, phlegm was stuck in the throat and I just had nose block and sore throat instead. 

Couldn't sleep, keep on thinking of today meet. Anyway, woke up 5.17 am to do practices. Skipped hata and only did a short breathing. I did a slow Shakti. Yesterday I briefly read about the pranayama breath count up to 44. I tot I check mine out. Mine is only about 25 count in 4252 breathing. This was the slowest 4253 in all my years of practice. Went in deep. Kapala Bhakti also improving. A good Shakti. Alas, slowly able to use Sadhguru's tool properly. Shambavi was great. I was so nimble in the first four preparatory steps. I am now sitting in the right posture for Suka kriya, it is true what Sadhguru says. I found my back and shoulder straighten, head facing front; like hanging clothes. It was a crazy aum chanting as my head was shaking non stop. Fluttering was great too. Alas, I was singing and dancing non stop. Plough back was good too eventhough no prior hata. There were little tots.

Father, my happiness is back. When I first started this journey I tot (& others also) that I don't need a partner. And then I went with Z and then we broke off and I pined for him for months. And now finally awaken. Desiring for him is no more. I truly m fine without one. Guess this journey I had to take to make it real. Thank u Z. Thank U Father.

Coincidentally my room light finally got changed as the remaining bulb fused last week. So, room now have brighten up and the Buddha idol given by the friend looks so golden. I m contented.

My weight finally gone down to 59.2kg. I am pleasantly surprised as I didn't plan intake reduction. But these last 2 days, I realised I need only 2 meals. I need not take lunch. Food no longer has a hold on me.

North node in Taurus
Once Taurus north node people are committed to a direction, they can use their obsessive energies from past lives to fixate on their first value and they'll get there on schedule no matter what.

Soul
I used to tot I lacked will power. But I had the discipline to do my practices, to do my swim, to walk in the park and alas to stay on change of diet. I did all those cos they are important to me. They are my well being.

North node in Taurus
These folks must start communicating their discomfort or hurt with what another has said or done. To discern and build healthy new patterns of behaviour, they must release the old. Self-revelation will enable others to see who they really are, discern their needs and help them in their aims.

Soul
Yea, opening up.
No more fighting internally. No more saying others can't see me when I can't be vulnerable. I was envious of C who is not afraid to be vulnerable, who seek comfort. I m envious of P who had no qualms ordering or scolding others.
Father, both of them do express and perhaps that's why their meditation is quiet as it is generally the opposites.