Opening up my communication - intimacy

May 30
Woke up 4.30 am but was bit tired. Ponder about waking up later but I know heavy day today. So, have to do. Asanas are improving. I m less tired. I was surprised that I didn't doze off during Shavasana.

I m glad I can now express myself with P and C. I just told them we need to open up for new leadership. Since all three of us can't lead, best to open up.
P now understand me better.  I told her there is 2 sides to me. I have difficulty in expression especially non work related. And it suppressed and come out as resentment. I told her I m sorry I don't feel the blessing of volunteering. She said I need not apologise as everyone is different. Father I m glad.
I also said I feel others had a right to say no time for volunteering. I want to spend time on my own personal project, no doubt no income but I enjoy it. P said everyone had the right to do so.

So true intimacy is up to me. I must learn to express instead of suppression.
Father, now I understand this week Osho card. It is getting more subtle.

1. The issue
The dream
Nobody, whether it's your current mate or some dreamed  of - partner in the future, has any obligation to deliver ur happiness on a platter - nor could they even if they wanted to.
Real love comes not from trying to solve our neediness by depending on another, but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have much love to give that we naturally draw lovers towards us.

Soul
I m now learning to express my feelings. My expression are still delayed but at least it is now being open up.

2. Internal influence
Healing
Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt u. Everybody is engaged in safeguarding his own wound.  Be aware of ur own wound.
When we are under the influence of the King of Water we are no longer hiding from ourself or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.

Soul
Alas, I m learning to express. Now confirmed that everyone is protecting their own wound.

Just now C said freedom of expression is good but need to be aware of repercussion. The old me would have reacted. But the new me recalled her ruling card of Four; not wanting to rock the boat.

Anyway, just stay to express so it won't be repressed.

3. External influence
Receptivity
When u become yin, a receptivity, the door is open - and u wait. Listening is the art of become passive.
Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.

Soul
Yea. Finally I connected back to P and C. We were all protecting our own wounds. Like P said, she heard stories of her from me. Could be when I was facing the parental mode issue. Now I found my own strength of expression, no longer need to project my own parental mode to others.

4. What is needed?
The Source
U can relax at The Source, and it will take u to your very potential.

5. Resolution
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake.
To be simple is arduous.
Only a simple heart sings with God in deep harmony. To reach to that point u will have to find ur heart, ur own throb, ur beat.
Let urself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for u just around the corner.

Soul
Yea. I m singing now. This morning start to sing from butterfly in Shambavi.

I m simple and now learning to express.

Actually C is Jack, not simple. No wonder so much dilemma cos has to weigh the consequences.