Saturday, June 22, 2013

Slowly but surely accepted the final ending with Z

Jun 19
Woke up at 7.30 am today. Did 5 cycle of Surya Kriya, both my feet can touch the floor now. I noticed I m more flexible, something changed in me. Did my breathing, not so great. Shakti - I rested only once and I did a good Kapala Bhakti but somehow I feel bit disconnected. Now and then a few tots of Z comes in that I waived off by saying I let go of my mind.
Shambavi was good. Towards the end a peaceful silence descends on me. I just sit there in sweet peace.
A tot came, if with Z, I won't have this.
Did my closing invocation without T and Z.

It's 2 hours later and I can see some creeping tots of Z. I ignored them and remind myself not to compare. Now looking at my this week Osho cards.
External influence
Trust
Don't waste your life for that which is going to be taken away. Trust life. If u trust, only then can u drop ur knowledge, only then u can put ur mind aside. U cannot lose ur real treasure.

Soul
Thanks for the comfort.
Now reading my third book; it is good. I like it.
Now on the second last story; Facing my greatest fear of being unlovable by my partner.
- I m fighting to obtain Z so I can prove I m lovable. Since it doesn't work, I m escaping so that I don't have to face it. But perhaps this is what I need to face. Me facing my fear of being unlovable and finally realised I m lovable.
This could be a lesson in Self Mastery.
Perhaps the outcome of my rship with Z is not to have Z but to have me, to accept myself even if I am unlovable by others. I cannot run away from my fear, myself.

Soul
Mmm, yea, with Z now getting married, I lost the game. But I m still intact.
Coincidentally, the wedding invite cake during my Neptune period of Queen of Spades- Self mastery.
We are given an opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.

 Soul
Everything is flowing as it should.

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