North Node in 11th house (Aquarius) - Z was my mirror..

Jun 27
Woke up 4.30 am but feeling bit tired. Mind says skip hata but I already skipped on Tuesday. A tot came, real lack of self discipline. And if I m with Z, definitely sleep back. We are truly not meant to be.
So, I ignored the mind. Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by asanas. Some stiffness but fine. On the sitting postures, my head can now goes down nearer to my knees.
After Shavasana, did breathing. Quite good.
Shakti was awesome. Totally different experience. For the first time I think Shakti may be more powerful than Shambavi. Increased count for Kapalabhakti. I went in deep. Did my one step rest after 3 cycles of Kapala Bhakti. My feet were totally stiff in the first rest. But after Shakti, it was fine.
Towards the end I was crying and tears fell.
Shambavi was good too. Only thing is I must have dozed off. This has never happen before. I doze off while my head was down on the floor.
Anyway, feels rested.

There were no tots of Z but some tots of office during my practice. Looks like the mind is trying real hard.
On the way to work, some tots of Z comes in, I said I want new ones.

North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
Releasing scripts and roles
They are learning to release their mental pictures of the way relationships, projects, events and the like are supposed to unfold, and pay more attention to the opportunities that do arise.
These folks are learning to approach relationships from a position of friendship and experience the excitement of the unknown.

Soul
There is a control issue in me. It was to keep me safe. But that control turn into self attack and stagnancy. So, I can't flow. Well, now I m feeling safer, and flow whenever I remembered.

North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
They are here to bring in a New  Age.
They are talented in applying humanitarian ideals to current situations. They clearly see what is for the good of humankind, are excellent networker and when they are working to translate their vision into reality - are extremely happy. Also, because they are doing what they are uniquely equipped to do, life supports them and their projects succeed.

Soul
I used to resist leadership in Isha. Leadership is easy to me. What I dislike was the loss of time alone and fear of loss pf disapproval.
Now that I have 2 days off, my time alone is fulfilled. And since I discovered my issue on validation, I m less affected by others and just do what is needed. So, leadership in Isha becomes easier.
When I got my Long range King of Spades in Ruling, I tot is with the new company but alas I quick in the Sept. and then I tot its with Z but alas we broke up in December. Then the core team break down in March and I had to step to support. It's been four month and I still hold the fort. There is no resistance now. I just do what is needed.

North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
As they contribute to humanitarian goals, using their power and energy as a channel for unconventional ideas, their past-life pride dissipates and self confidence returns. They are natural doers - they know how to get results. Their job is to act without identifying with the results of their actions, then they are truly free to experiment and be themselves.

Soul
This seems similar to Krishna's Leela that I m reading now.
I want to be in the world. I want all and I think Leela is the tool.

North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
They see the next step that humankind needs to take for its own growth. They are messengers from the future, and by sharing their innovative ideas they empower humankind to evolve in consciousness. So, it is important for them not to hold back because of their desire for approval.

Soul
Similar message with my Pluto in Virgo and Saturn in Aries.
Z doesn't think of price to pay. M doesn't think of others approval.

North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
They are here to take an active role in furthering human evolution - both through the personal transformation necessary to set an example and through contributing their energy to humanitarian causes that helped others to gain a more universal view.
The sooner they play their part to further the idealistic causes they are drawn to support, the sooner they will feel more of a sense of wholeness.
They may begin their own project, using their creative talents (writing, painting, music, photography or etc.)

Soul
My dream of Self Mastery is my own personal transformation. I shared by putting it out to blog and stories in website.
I also contribute by volunteering to take charge of certain activity in Isha.
Father, I m right on track.


When I got this book I read this for Z but skipped thru cos not reflective of him. But I read his South node in Leo thoroughly cos that was so him.
Father, what I saw inside Z was myself. Z just started baby steps and I m way ahead.
He can't be my partner.

As I was driving. It dawned on me that I wanted him cos he is advance in physical whereas I m advance in mental. Both of us not good with emotion.
Since I am a newbie in physical, I look up to him to lead and I open up and grow. On the mental, he didnt open up to me. He just took the physical with me.
On the emotion, I learned when I was with him and grow leaps when we broke up. Whereas he clamped down on his emotion.
Father, I truly has a better deal. I always told him that I will used our rship to find myself and grow. It is up to him whether he wants to do so.