Feeling uncertain with losing all my valuations

Jun 13
Father, woke up fine at 5.15 am despite sleeping about 12.30 am. Did one cycle of Surya kriya followed by a quick Shavasana. Did a quick breathing. Shakti was good. Now Kapala Bhakti has stabilised and I increased the count. Shambavi was good too. There were little tots and no tots of Z at all. Towards the end a peaceful silence descends.

1. Issue
Integration
The politics is within u; it is between the two parts of the mind.
This card of integration is the symbol of self-creation, new life and mystical union; otherwise known as alchemy.

Soul
Yea. I now reduced the conflict on leading Isha. As of now, I m given this so I won't collapse with a total loss of old values. Losing career, Z and food.

Nowadays I think more of how eating the bloated/lethargic the food would make me feel instead the pleasure of taste. In my case, I have eaten the best so taste no longer had a hold on me. And I also knew happiness is not from food.

Once I reduced the conflict and decided to play the role for this month; things just flow into place.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality, u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by society.
Do whatever needed to wake up the sleeping lion within.

Soul
Yea. Now that leadership is resolved for this month and I knew its a blessing rather than a curse I am able to remove my resentment and victim mode.
Not sure where this will lead me. But it's the given path. This morning when I saw the trees; I tot they are both strong and yet so vulnerable. Bit contradictory but I know some learnings here for me.

3. External influence
Guilt
When the achieving mind arises, u lose contact with the paradise u r in.
U r absolutely ok as u are.

Soul
Yea.
I do receive this card a few times. Deep within me there is guilt of not giving when I have received.
Mmm, a tot came. Practice appreciation.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Clinging to the Past
It is no longer there, so u r crying for spilled milk. What gone is gone!
Clinging simply create misery. U will have to let go.

Soul
When I went to sleep yday, I counted that it has been 8 months since my break up with Z. It's truly time. My birthday is coming and I no longer want this to cloud my life. I deserved more. He doesn't define me. No one can define me.
If I can let go of food that has been with me the longest time; why not him. It can be done.


5 Resolution
Creativity
Be open to what wants to be expressed through you. We don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.

Soul
Father, now that I know that I m to be strong alone. I rise to the occasion. Will combine Family Day with volunteer meet email.