Expectation sets the outcome

Aug 12
Father, wake up on alarm at 4.25 am. I put 5 min earlier.
Surya Kriya was effortless. There were no strain on my knees. My body felt light. I never had this feeling of lightness before. Something in me has loosen up after yesterday breakthrough. My mind was active with tots of Z or rather keep on poking on whether breakthrough is real. Well, my body is telling me is real and my face is also cleared. My skin getting back to normal.
Breathing was fine but not able to get into arashidharna. Shakti was good. Shambavi was good too. Towards the end some singing in the mind and contented silence. Plough back was great. When I did my prayer of thanks I was laughing loads. During the practices there were intermittent tots on Z, saying suffering time again as Z's wife is my circle and I keep on countering. I said don't hurt us; I will love again. And that last statement calms down the mind.

The Osho card's internal influence on schizophrenia is really true.
Schizophrenia
The way you are, u cannot say u are. You don't have a being. You are a marketplace - many voices. If u want to say "yes", immediately a "no" is there. U cannot utter a simple word "yes" with totality. In this way, happiness is not possible. Unhappiness is a natural consequences.

Soul
A tot came to me. My mind is on defense mechanism. My mind defend by attack. Mind is insecure that Z and wife is within my circle. Mind is envious that Z found his partner and I m still alone. Mind is afraid of losing. Mind is insecure cos tot no more chance of love for us. Mind is not confident we can have love again.
Father, I can see how my mind operates. And I can't blame it as I have not taken proactive tots to have new love. And mind knows our tendency for negative expectation.
Father, I m not totally sure of new love. But I want to make my mind secure again. Regardless of whether we have new love or not, we are loved, we are secure, we are OK. There is absolutely no reason to feel insecure. We have survived and do well in the physical world, we sail effortlessly in the spiritual world. And now need to thread over the emotional world. We have found our inner love. We now just need to express it
I have a new script. Love and meditation. Amen.

Now that my body frame size has reduced, I am back to wearing my western short sleeve blouses.

Mind still asking if we should tell Z that we know about wife. Well, no need. No more.

The secret of Shambhala
The energy fields of all of us mix together out there, and the strongest one prevail. That's the unconscious dynamic that characterises the human world.
The state of our energy, our prevailing expectations, no matter what they are, go out and influence everyone's else mood and attitudes. The level of awareness between humans


Soul
When I m with Z, my expectation is he won't stay on. And since my energy is higher than his, it truly happens.
Father, I accept my responsibility in the outcome.
But from yesterday onward, I only expect good love. I will love again.

On work environment I always have good expectation except for the sister company. All my work interactions are great. Mmm, since I can do that in work; will do the same in love. Can't wait to experience this. I will love again and this time I know what's needed to have good outcome. Good expectation, good energy and good expression.

The secret of Shambhala
When we are relating to people and find we are taking on their mood, being overcome with their expectations, we have to go back and full up again and overflow very consciously until the mood elevates.

Soul
And Z also contribute by playing to his script. Father, we both take responsibility for 'asking' for it. For me, i accept mine. But for Z, he did not. Perhaps that's why he is back in my circle.