Finally enjoying my swim, enjoying my life

Aug 3

Woke up 7 am to do my practices. A tot came, new beginning without Z.  Then it followed with a tot of teacher's criticism. Then an alternative tot came. I m so lucky to have disturbance of such miscellaneous tot. Truly blessed if my only worry was how others see me. Instead of feeling edgy I felt glad for the tots. This is truly something new.

Did one cycle of Surya kriya, followed by breathing meditation. Very nice. Shakti was outstanding. My spine was straight and weight on my heels. Kapala Bhakti was good, can see beginning of violet flame. Shambavi was good. Towards the end, contented silence.

Went for my swim. In the first lap I can feel my fear as I recalled I couldn't swim whole lap last weekend in my sister's place.  I just followed and stopped one time. Then continue to swim. In the third lap, i slowed down my hand movement as if I m doing yoga movement. Calmness set in. I was singing and laughing during resting point.

In the fourth half lap, as I was swimming suddenly I was surprised that I felt happy. Then it dawned on me that I enjoyed the flow of water on my breathe. I enjoyed swimming. Finally I enjoyed swimming. When I rested, I laughed loads at my enjoyment. Finally after fifteen years I can now enjoy swimming. I felt overwhelmed by thankfulness and tears flowed. Finally I m released from my fear.
I can now enjoy life.

Went for another half lap and the sense of enjoyment still there. And again another half lap savouring the enjoyment.

Father, thank you so much. I never tot I be able to enjoy swimming. Swimming for me is a lesson to overcome my fear. Now alas fear is gone and enjoyment came.