I no longer need to be needed

Aug 4
Had a good morning walk. The first cycle, I walked without awareness. Second cycle some tots in my mind. Third cycle, walking with the trees and grass, it was quite effortless. I couldn't believed that it was the third one. On the way back had one tot, truly glad I deleted Z contact, no going back and forth. I be ready to see him and wife soon.
I also realised that what I need is love. And I aim to give it to myself.

Had call from L. I wasn't really in the mood to talk. She goes on and on complaining about others. When i gave her input, she doesn't want to listen. As usual become quite attacking. This time I had no qualms of shutting her off.
I can see her feeling of hurt but too much for me to take. The old me would worried on how she sees me, feel bit guilty. But the new me can let it be. She truly needs counselling. Father, I no longer wants to be at receiving end of such Parental mode people.

Today just total chill out, enjoying the Shiva trilogy fiction, did my hair. Finally found a good replacement. It's been a long time since I chill out. Guess the past few months I was on active mode so that mind need not think of Z. Well, no need to do that anymore.

Osho
The whole idea of imitation is mistaken and wrong. I have my own soul which should come to its full flowering. What will happen to it, to my own soul if I imbibe another and copy Krishna?
It is true, I can impose another's personality on myself, which can overpower me, but what will happen to me, to my own being. I owe a responsibility to myself, and if I become like someone else I will be betraying myself
Self discovery and not assimilation or imitation is what u have to seek.

Soul
Yea. That's me.
A tot came, everyone just being themselves. Father, I know now that I neither have the patience nor knowledge to counsel people. Just like I no longer seek challenges I no longer sought parental mode, I no longer need to be the unofficial counsellor. I no longer need to be needed.