Detaching is not easy for me

Jul 28
There were smattering tots of Z. The mind was over active.  I didn't respond and instead I just focus on giving myself love. Mind act out of defense mechanism, it is fearful.
Father, I m not yet the master of my mind but I m no longer its slave. The mind is very fearful and I m not. I remind myself Z is my first but not my last.

Also I recalled my Environment card for this year.
Environment in Destiny
Nine of Diamonds.
Giving up things, people or jobs that u once valued highly will bring many blessings and rewards this year.
On some level, this is a year of let go of the past and prepare to move on to many new and better things.
Usually we are afraid to let go of things in our life, afraid that the loss will deprive us of something important and essential to our happiness. However this year u r protected, and all completions will bring u greater fortune and happiness.

Soul
Amen.

Tonight feeling bit restless. Glad I did my evening walk and released tension. It's been nearly 4 days without my practices. Truly my sanity package. Father, my tolerance level must be low towards disturbances. Feeling bit off tonight.

Osho - Krishna
The behaviour of a man of non attachment will be radically different from others, and this behaviour is called anasakti yoga. He accepts everything - like a mirror - without attachment or dislike. Now he knows for himself what self nature is, what non attachment is; both are inseparably together. A mirror reflects everything that appears before it, but unlike the camera, it does not retain impressions when the object has moved away from it.

Soul
Wow, wish I could have that on Z.

Osho - Krishna
All the three points of the triangle exists within each of us but ordinarily we only aware of two - one of attachment and the other of aversion. The third point is that of non attachment, remain unknown to us.
One comes to the third point when after long suffering, he turns in and discover his self nature, his center, the center of the cyclone.
When the darkness of the mind, of the unconscious is dispelled, the third point becomes visible. One on third point achieves his buddhahood.
The moment u arrive at ur center, u r non attached, u r like a lotus in water. The lotus is born in water, lives in water and yet remain untouched with it.

Soul
I m so far away from this.
Just checked out my twitter and saw this twit
@Joyongorg: When u focus on what u lose, u can't see what u gain. That's always two sides to a coin!

Yea, I gained my freedom to choose again. My insight is similar to my Nine of Diamonds Environment card.