A reminder on the futility over Z

Sept 24

Father, today I suddenly had tots of Z. I saw he has uploaded new profile and msg and I tot it was for me. For a moment, I forgot about us being off already.
Father, I had a short term wish is that my partner is with me.

I didn't do any practice for the past 3 days. Guess need to go back.

Father, whenever tots of Z came up. I just told myself, is ok for the tots cos I love him. But it is also ok if we r not together cos I need not have him. Let him be.

Osho
A real saint will startle u. A true saint will hit u. U will writhe with impotent anger at his presence. Many times u will be angry with him, many times u will want to run away from him. U will fear the sage. U will think a thousand times before going near him. Because going near an enlightened person means change, transformation.

Soul
True. That's why it took me 4 years before I dare to face Sadhguru.

Osho - Daya
Those who are in love with the divine. It is the intoxication which never allows u to be sober again. It is the unrestrained ecstasy which never leaves u.

Soul
Yea. I have encountered it daily. G said I laugh like a child when I am in meditation mode. And I can get in whenever I am in 'water'. I felt an uninhibited joy arising from within.

Tot of ripeness - perhaps I finally knew the futility of any future with Z. Yea, another line from Osho to remind me of the futility of any change in Z.

Osho - ripeness
Never hurry. Be patient, be trusting. When the time comes, u will be ready, u will be ripe.
One day that times comes, one day the child suddenly sees that the doll is only a doll that there is no sense talking to it. The doll has never heard anything he said. Smiling and laughing at his own foolishness, he will put the doll in a corner and move one. After that he will not even look at it again. It is the same with life.

Soul
That's exactly how I feel and behave when I saw the futility of any future with Z. That's why I call it quits and wants us to check out.
Father, thanks for the reminder.

Osho
This is ur dilemma. U have not found happiness. It cannot be found. No one has ever found it. No matter how young u r and no matter how much faith u have that the doll will answer u; it never does, it never speaks. There is no way it can.

No one has ever found happiness in this way. U haven't found it either, but ur hope has not yet died. U think it is possible to find it, u think that the doll will speak: "Let me try a little harder. Let me try to persuade it a little more, let me wait a little longer. Perhaps I didn't work hard enough; perhaps I didn't work as much as I should have done. Perhaps my race is half-hearted. Perhaps I didn't run properly, I didn't stake my life totally. Let me stake it one more time.

Soul
That's exactly how I feel for 2 years before I got ripe last time I broke off with Z.