Being total in rship with Z

Sept 12

Father, I woke up at 4 am because of the rain. I slept back and woke up at 5.20 am when the alarm rang. I had a dream too and was feeling groggy.

But a tot came to me, Totality, the Insight of my rship with Z and also in my Issue card this week. What does it means? Then a click, on my Queen of Cloud - too much in the mind card and it occur to me that I was having misgivings and doubt.

I should be glad Z responded to my invite and here I was dilly dallying because of my own fears of future and past. I need to be Total in pursuing my rship with Z.
My short term dream during Shakti was to have Z in my new year eve family dinner. I love him and I want him. So, why the doubts? Why hesitate when I am to be going forward!

I did my practices and I went in deep despite my grogginess. When I am done by 7 am, I msg Z for meetup this Friday.

He replied at 8 am when he woke up. I also asked for a movie date cos all my memories of us seems to be focused in bed. He said ok and I gave him a smile. Father, he just want me to be happy. Whenever he do something and I am happy, I will inform him. He just want to be appreciated. (Sept 29 - I am not sure why..everytime I asked for something..he said I am 'complaining')

I also recalled the First House card, me giving him independence. It is true, whenever Z wants to be close, I tend to back off. Well, no more. I now know it is difficult for him to open up and if I back off, not sure when he can open.

Alas, now I know our lesson: Go with the Flow.

I also recalled my Three of Club in Venus.
Ruling Card in Venus

Five of Hearts
It is a divorce cards and it is likely that u will have some sort of separation from love ones.

Ace of Clubs
Birth of new idea, plan or way of communicating with the world around u. To pursue some new plans u made.

Soul
Yea, I am moving away from the old rship. I am setting new terms with Z. I also found a new way to communicate with Z. He is the type that wants to be of 'Provider'. He likes to me be happy because of him. So, I now tell him I am happy with him.

Destiny
Three of Clubs
Mental creativity or writer card
Indecision about love and friendships is the major influence. See if it isn't ur own fickleness and indecision that is the root cause of any disappointments with friendships.

King of Heart
Emotional power, charm and the ability to master ur emotions and affections. Used for success in any personal or professional relationship. For women, this card often means a new romantic partner and one that is very fulfilling.

Soul
Yea, it was my indecision that causes bottleneck in my rship with Z. I now decide to be Total with him.
My issue was Three of Clubs in Venus - indecision over fear of not having enough.
Well, Z is enough for me.


Five of Spades
It means a change of the things u do day in and day out.

Soul
Definitely changing my rship with Z and changed my communication mode with Z.